The Trouble with Clones Wait, that was a Saints Row the Third DLC pack
by whatamidoing765
Summary: Hey, want to see female Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang? Well, now's your chance! At least once you had a fantasy with one of them or both. You also made the multiple versions of Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang throughout the games appear in the current DW universe. Well, now fangirls can get a piece of them, and I also made a Saints Row and Hokuto no Ken SY and ZL. WHAT?
1. Be stoned and earn 2nd-degree burns

**The director bursts into the Koei animating room drunk and stoned.**

**Whaaaat's up with these tiny TV's...? They'rre adddooorable...!**

**He plops himself in a desk and spends ten minutes just to turn on the computer.**

**..Come on...Don't be like my ex-girlfriend...There you go...Now porn...or...Fist of the North Star...**

**He clicks on a file.**

**WHOA! Sexy ladies! *drools* But they have clothes on...Let me fix that...**

**He presses random keys.**

**Nothing...**

**He clicks on a file that opened Zhuge Liang's and Sima Yi's DW appearances.**

**Hey...why is that guy wearing purple...? Is he Prince...? Oh, hey Chinese Jesus! **

**He then presses keys randomly before he slams his palm on the middle of the keyboard. ****This causes the screen to flash uncontrollably and turns off.**

**Aww...no porn and Fist of the North Star...**

**His face slams down on the keyboard, snoring. **

**Next morning**

**The animator walks into the room with a cup of coffee.**

***yawns* It reeks of of alcohol in here...**

**He walks over to his desk and sees the director's head on his keyboard.**

**What did he do this time?**

**He pours the hot liquid on him.**

**AHHHH! HOTHOTHOT! Why'd you do that?!**

**What are you doing here?**

**I swear I was back at my house...How did I get here?**

**The animator looks out the window. **

**Your car caved into the lobby...**

**Oh...So, what's up?**

**What did you do to my computer?**

**I was drunk and stoned out of my mind, how am I supposed to know what I did?**

**Ok, let me see what happened...**

***CLICK***

**...You were looking at Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang's appearances in DW?...That's weird...I expect you to look up pornography...Oh wait, you were looking at the DW women...**

**That's uncalled for...**

**..What...? This says "Released". Actually, all of them... No... you let the multiple versions of Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang out in the DW universe. **

**That's bad...?**

**There are six Zhuges walking around Shu, and five Simas walking around Wei. And...why does Zhuge Liang have that mark like on Ken and buff...? Sima Yi is pale-skinned and buff as well...This is really bad...**

**Okay, I was having a Hokuto no Ken phase. **

**You made two of the weakest characters in DW to buff up to the size of Lu Bu...**

**Wait, a Lu Bu versus Fist of the North Star Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi fight. We must do it! Record and post on YouTube! It will be a hit!**

**That doesn't seem sound too bad...Koei did make Fist of the North Star games, so I guess this will work. But how can we catch them?**

**How about catching them with Pokeballs?**

**They're not Pokemon...**

**We catch them and sell them on Ebay. They'll be worth a lot****...After we do the Lu Bu battle, of course.**

**These are people! What we can do is get into the DW universe and get them out ourselves.**

**But can't we just take them out using the computer?**

**It requires erasing some data in the DW universe.****  
**

**So?**

**This will create glitches. We already got complaints about them, and I'm not making more updates.**

**Okay, but what do you think about Hokuto no Ken Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang?**

**Zhuge Liang I can imagine buff, but...Sima Yi...? Well, him being a powerhouse is just weird...I mean... Just look at him...He looks...feminine...I mean he wears purple out of all colors...**

**Hey! Purple is a manly color. The Third Street Saints wear purple.**

**Maybe Sima Yi carrying an AK-47 and wearing a purple suit may not look so bad on him.**

**I'll go make that!**

**No, Volition will sue us.**

**Done. Also in the DW universe.**

**What? Nah, he'll be more badass compared to his real form. Make one of Zhuge Liang while you're at it. He can be Mr. Sunshine. No, the General. Oh, wait, I'm making this worse!**

**I already put him in there.**

**More people to chase around. Yay...**

**How about a Jia Xiu if he were in Assassin's Creed?**

**No...That's an awful idea...**

**Or Zhao Yun in Uncharted?**

**That's even weirder...**

**DW women as if they were in Dead or Alive?**

**You're going too far...****Okay, let's go and find the clones. ****The Zhuge Liangs are fine, but the Sima Yis, we have to get them before anyone connected to him gets to meet them.**

**Why? ****They don't seem too bad.**

**They are extremely arrogant, have an ego the size of Russia and China combined, creepy as hell, and WILL do the evil laugh every twenty minutes. They'll have everyone around them kill themselves. **

**What about the Zhuge Liangs?**

**Phht, Shu could use seven Zhuges.**

**How about Fist of the North Star Zhuge Liang and Saints Row him?**

**They have firepower now. And the FNS one is still intelligent, so they'll use him. Getting the Sima Yis is more important because everyone in Jin are spanking new, so they they'll be confused as hell why there are multiple Sima Yis in funny clothes. **

**I wonder, will the wives like the other versions better?**

**Huh, never thought of that. But let's get going.**


	2. One Sima Yi is enough, more is hell

**Note: When normal characters talk, it will be bold. When a clone talks, it will be lighter.**

* * *

**Wei**

**They could be anywhere!**

**No, there are two there.**

**The animator and director walk in a hallway, and spot the DW2 and DW3 versions of Sima Yi.**

**Wait, why are there two of the same version? **

**One uses a sword, one uses a fan.**

**That doesn't make a difference! Oh, excuse me! Can you come with us for a second?**

**Both of the Sima Yis turn to the animator.**

Do you know why there's two of us?

We'll come with you if you know.

**Yes, we do! Just go with us.**

**They escorted the two Sima Yis out and walked them towards outside of a house.**

Wait, why are we here?

What is this place?

**Your house.**

It's larger than I last saw it.

**Because you have a wife and two sons and a daughter-in-law.**

No, I don't. Last time I checked.

Hmm...I have a family in here? This one has to die.

**The DW2 Sima Yi takes out a sword and cuts down DW3 Sima Yi.**

**Wait, why?! **

Because I have a sword, and he carries a fan. You know who wins. I want this to myself and not another me shall take this.

**I thought you said they can't die.**

**I guess they can kill each other.**

**What are we supposed to do with the body?**

**Well, we don't have to bring back DW3 Sima Yi now. But DW2 Sima Yi is right there.**

**Can we just use this?**

**He takes out a Pokeball.**

**Again, that won't work.**

**How about Master Balls?**

**No, this is a PERSON.**

**Can't hurt to try.**

**The director tosses the Pokeball near DW2 Sima Yi.**

What the..? Ah!

**He turns white and gets sucked into the Pokeball. **

***CLICK***

**Hey, it works. **

**I can't believe it...But makes the job easier. We'll dispose of the body.**

**Animator picks up the Pokeball.**

**This says...Koeiball?...**

**No, it's a Pokeball.**

**No, this says "Koeiball".**

**IT'S A POKEBALL.**

**Ok...(The colors are switched...with the red on the bottom, and white on top...)**

**Who is that? Could it be...?**

**They both turned to see Sima Shi.**

**Oh, we didn't murder him. Another Sima Yi killed him.**

**You expect me to believe that? You shall pay with your life in order to avenge my father!**

**He takes out his sword.**

**Uh-oh! DW2 version of Sima Yi, I choose you!**

**Director throws the Pokeball, with DW2 Sima Yi coming out with a sword in hand.**

***pokes* Come on, say something. **

**He's not a Pokemon.**

**What? Why is Father here, while he's dead over here? And what's with those clothes?**

I'll show you to make a mockery of me!

**He attacks Sima Shi, missing. He continue to slash at him.**

**You're making him fight his son!**

**But this is fun to watch.**

**What if he kills him?**

**Hey! Sima Yi, that's your boy!**

**DW2 Sima Yi stops attacking Sima Shi.**

What? Then why didn't you stop me? I could have killed him!

**Ok, here's the thing. Sima Shi, this is another version of Sima Yi. Your father is not dead. That's just another version killed by the Sima Yi in front of you.**

**Wait, what? How? **

**It's better if you just know there are multiple versions of your father walking around. Don't attack them. **

**But it's just...Father looks so...old...and he sounds funny...**

Hey! I'm don't look old! What's wrong with my voice?

**He doesn't mean by age. He means by your graphics. You look pixely, while Shi looks more smooth. Your voice is just bad. **

Huh. So, my boy, how have you been doing?

**This is really weird...**

**Just answer him.**

***sighs* "Father", I have doing quite well, Zhao is doing well also.**

Zhao is here? Where?

**He's in his room, sleeping.**

At this hour? Oh, well, how's your mother?

***laughs* He'll be very surprised at her look.**

What? What does she look like?

**Are you sure you want to look? **

Yes, why would I not want to see my own wife?

**I don't know, maybe the picture will make you nosebleed.**

That is ridiculous, why would she make me nosebleed?

**Alright, here it is.**

**The director pulls out a picture of Zhang Chunhua.**

**You just happen to carry a picture of Zhang Chunhua?**

**Shut up.**

**The DW2 Sima Yi was staring at the picture.**

...This is my wife...? What's with the dress..?

**The dress was not our idea. They have should have gone with the other one.**

**Then she would look like one of those Victorian women. So, want to see Zhao?**

**He pulls out Sima Zhao's photo.**

**You also carry a picture of Sima Zhao?**

He resembles his mother, just as I expected. Why does he dress in untidy clothing? His chest is sticking out for all to see. Also, where is she now?

**Why do you want to know?**

I just want to go up to her in person.

**There's another you, and he will not be happy if he sees you sneaking in her chambers.**

Another me? I'll kill him.

**No, he can kick your ass. Or your wife will kick your ass first.**

I want to see this other "me".

**Okay, back in the ball. **

Wait, I'll follow you guys around.

**No, we can't have you killing other yous.**

**The animator opens the Pokeball, and DW2 Sima Yi gets back in it.**

**Hey, this really works. **

**Umm...So, there are how many of my father are out there?**

**About four, with one dead and one in this Pokeball.**

***whispers*What about the "other" ones?**

**We can't let him know about that. We'll go and take things over from here.**

**Okay...I should remind myself I'm not going insane after seeing two of my father...**

**Sima Shi walks away from the two.**

**We have to look for them NOW before Zhang Chunhua sees any of the other Sima Yis.**

**I think she would LOVE the DW6 version.**

**I don't know...I think he will cause some mischief. Especially with those claws.**

**Elsewhere**

**The DW4, 5, and 6 Sima Yis are walking through the garden and looked around.**

This place is really large.

I wonder who owns this.

I do.

Liar!

You were transported here along with us!

Oh, shut up nerdy me and helmet me.

I'm not nerdy! I just have this voice!

I don't know why I even have this helmet.

I'll go look in that room. You two can go drown yourselves in the pond.

**DW6 Sima Yi goes towards the DW8 Sima Yi's room.**

Gee, when did I become a asshole?

It started with me, then it goes from there. And we're supposed to be assholes.

**What the-? I must not be seeing straight...But do I see two of Father?**

**They turned to see Sima Zhao.**

Oh, who's this?

He looks like a rowdy one**.**

**What? Why do you two Fathers sound funny? And what's with that dress?**

IT'S NOT A DRESS!

There's little bits of pink...*snickers*

You're laughing at yourself! What about you? That looks like you just grabbed that from Zhang He's closet! And not to mention that awful voice!

**No...Maybe I'm dreaming...I'll go back to bed...**

**He walks away from the two Sima Yis.**

Well, that was rude.

**A Pokeball hits each of their foot.**

Hey! What-

Gah!

**Director and Animator run up to the Pokeballs to pick them up.**

**Okay, we got two. Now where's DW7 and DW6?**

**Oh, hey. The perverted guy and his friend.**

**Sima Zhao thinks you're a prev too.**

**Hey! Anyway, did you see them?**

**Yeah, who were they?**

**Two of your father in funny clothes and voice.**

**Uhh..**

**Clones.**

**How?**

**It's a long story. But where can we find DW6 Yi?**

**I swear I saw Father in a dress and a Pringles hat.**

**Oh, that's him. Where did he go?**

**In Father's room. But...which one is the real one?**

**Just look for the boat with chopsticks hat. That's him if you see it.**

**Alright...back to sleep...I'm seeing weird things...**

**Sima Zhao walks away from them. **

**Okay, we have to go back in there...**

**We don't have to look at the bed.**

**But it's hard to go in here after we inspected that room.**

**Just don't remember.**

**They enter the room DW6 Yi was last seen going in. They bump into DW8 Yi.**

**Oh, it's you two...Why are you here? And at my room?**

**There was another guy sneaking around here.**

**What guy?**

**The you from DW6.**

**What nonsense are you blabbering? I'm me. There can't be no other. The DW6 me is probably an imposter.**

**A tap hits Sima Yi's shoulder. He turns and gets punched in the face.**

**Gah! You-hmm?**

**It was DW6 Yi standing right in front of him.**

You are a study one...

**What? How can-? Why do I see my face?**

**That's what we've been trying to tell you. **

**But that doesn't matter, we can catch him. **

**The director takes out a Pokeball, but it gets slapped away by the DW6 Yi.**

Oh, you're not taking me so easily... I have plans that I don't want you to interrupt.

**Agh...I'm-ugh-he's ambitious. **

You have gotten soft, how pathetic. I-MMH!

**Sima Yi gives him a punch to the face.**

**I don't want to be lectured by myself.**

Grr...How about this?

**He sends wires that wrap Sima Yi and pull him to the ground. **

**OOFF! **

HAHAHAHAHA! You stuck? Don't worry, I'll put an end to your misery!

**Get the Pokeball! He's going to die! (Wait, can he die?)**

**Oh, where is it? I can't find it!**

**DW6 Yi gets wires around Sima Yi's neck and is about to decapitate him.**

**Ah-ha! **

**The Pokeball is thrown at DW6 Sima Yi. **

Damn you!

**He disappears into the Pokeball.**

**Sima Yi gets up, dusting himself.**

**I must be getting old to be bested by myself.**

**You are not even past forty!**

**You don't know my age. **

**Yeah, I do! It's-mmph!**

**The animator covers Director's mouth.**

**We have to get going now. We need to capture more yous.**

**How many are there of me?**

**One more. (We can't let him know about the FNS one and Saints Row one.) **

**I shall be on my guard.**

**He leaves them standing at the front of his room.**

**Well, we don't have to go in now. Let's go and find the other ones.**

**They continue to walk towards out of the garden. They see a man in a purple suit and sunglasses with an AK-47 on his back.**

*gangster accent* Where the hell am I?! This place looks a P.F Chang's! Where can I get a smoke?

**...Oh...that's...**

**Well, look at that! Sima Yi's talking in a stereotypical gangster accent. We should leave him there and see what happens.**

**He acts like a mafia guy...Could you at least make him act like he's in the triads?**

**He's funnier in this one. Oh, someone's coming his way.**

**No...Out of all the people to go near the rude Sima Yi...**

**They see Zhang Chunhua walking towards the gangster Sima Yi.**

**My husband-...What are you wearing?**

I'm hitched?! Did I get drunk at Vegas and married a hooker? What's ya name?

***snickers* That's funny...**

**Oh, no. That's not good... She's going to tear him a new one.**

***eye twitch* ...What is wrong with you today? **

What is wrong is that ya still have clothes on. I'll fix that.**  
**

**He lunges towards her. **

***frowning* My clothes ar****e staying on, thank you very much.**

Oh, ya want money? Here's fifty. Get naked. B*bleep*.

**He throws dollar bills at her.**

**Oh...crap...He's really done it...**

I didn't throw that money for nothin'! I'll do it myself, then!

**He puts his hand on Zhang Chunhua's dress strap, but his hand is caught by her.**

Hey, *bleep*, hands off unless ya want lead blasted into ya-GAH!

***SNAP* **

You *bleep*! I'll turn ya int-

***CRACK* *CRACK* *SNAP* *SNAP***

**It's sounds like Rice Krispies out there.**

**No, it's Zhang Chunhua snapping every bone in Gangster Sima Yi...I've never seen her face that red in anger before...**

This *bleep* is *bleep*ing cray-cray!** *SNAP* **AAAAHHH! You *bleep*!

What's going on?

**They turned to see DW7 Sima Yi.**

**Your wife is taking care of a rude man.**

Who?

**You.**

What? Let me see.

**He walks in to the area where the snaps were coming from. He walks out.**

Not a good time...You go in...*shudders*

**I'll go. **

**The animator walks into the area.**

***SNAP***

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

**Want to lose something else?**

N-No, no, no! Ya want a divorce? Ya would get everything from me! JUST STOP!

***CRACK* Wrong answer. That "thing" is going away.**

**Ahem, excuse me. That's not Sima Yi. That's just a very rude clone. Your husband is somewhere else.**

***CRACK* **

**I think he's dead...I can't capture him now...**

...*cough*...Wait...save...me...I'll...pay...you...Just take me...away...from...this...psycho...*bleep*...**  
**

**The animator throws the Pokeball at the near-death Sima Yi. He disappears.**

**He's gone. As I was saying, that's not Sima Yi, but a version where if he were rude to everybody.**

***sigh* I thought something was actually wrong with him...**

**I have another version with me now. He's the one with the hat.**

Is it safe...?

**DW7 Sima Yi peeks out from the opening to the area.**

**Wait, he's shy? **

**The director pushes DW7 Sima Yi out on to the area.**

**He's different from the other ones. It's weird because he blushes too much.**

**Umm...Care to explain why are there multiple Sima Yis?**

**My friend thought it would be funny to put all of the versions of Sima Yi in here. We have captured most of them, with one dead. They're in these.**

**He holds out the Pokeballs.**

LET. ME. OUT! I'll have your heads flying with my wires!

**Oh, one's rowdy. Your wife's out here, want to see her?**

Depends. Can I have sex with her?

**NO! **

Why not? The me now is certainly not giving anything to her.

**Forget it.**

**He puts the Pokeballs in a bag.**

**Can we capture DW7 Yi now? **

**He doesn't seem to be a threat...Look at him, he has puppy eyes like Xu Shu...**

**What the...? He does... But why?**

**It's a glitch. It makes him cute and nice. It's creepy as hell...**

**Aww...he's so cute! **

**Zhang Chunhua goes to hug DW7 Yi as he blushes intensively. **

Uhh...

**I want to hug him too...No, wait, this is SIMA YI. He's not huggable!**

**I guess we can leave him here. He won't cause any trouble.**

**They leave him still being hugged, but after they left, DW7 Sima Yi's face curls up into an evil grin.**

(Imbeciles...And her chest is really pressing against me...Eh, I can enjoy this. )

**Imperial Place**

**Cao Cao and Cao Pi were walking down the hallway, and they run into a extremely tall and buff man in purple.**

**Did Lu Bu turn gay?**

**Those clothes look familiar...**

*deep voice* Excuse me, I'm looking for a Cao Cao...

***sweating*...Umm...That is Cao Cao...**

**Cao Cao points at Cao Pi.**

**Hey!**

You don't look like a Cao Cao.

**Well...Who are you and why are you here? (Honestly, what's up with his face..?)**

I'm Sima Yi, and I work for a man named Cao Cao.

***chokes*...Can you repeat your name?**

Sima Yi.

**Oh...Really? I don't remember him having a Lu Bu body...**

***whispers* He looks like if you gave him steroids and made him work out like crazy.**

**Well...Can you compete against my greatest warriors? **

**Father, what are you doing?**

**That's not Sima Yi, of course. Can you ever believe he can puff up to that size? But this man might prove useful on the battlefield.**

Give me your best shot.

***15 minutes later***

**Xu Huang, Xiahou Dun, Xu Chu, Zhang He, Dian Wei, Yue Jin, Li Dian, Yu Jin, Zhang Liao, and Pang De all are lined up on one side of a arena while FNS Sima Yi is the other side.**

**Oh, my, who's that? He looks familiar.**

**Isn't that the strategist? Why is he the size of Lu Bu?**

**Maybe he decided to exercise areas besides his brain. Anyway, it works.**

**Cao Cao walks up on a pedestal and speaks out.**

**Men, this is a test for that man on the other side there. If he can defeat all of you, we can invade Shu and Wu with no trouble at all! **

**Seems a like good test on my might! **

**He's so big...He might be larger than Lu Bu himself.**

**My instinct tells me...to get out while you still can...**

**Now, everyone! Each general shall go up against this giant and try to pin him to the ground. **

**Yes, sir!**

**I shall go first!**

**Xiahou Dun walks up to the FNS Sima Yi. He gives a punch, but had no effect.**

**What? **

**FNS Sima Yi takes Xiahou Dun's head and throws him very far from the arena.**

**Whoa!**

**Ha ha! Now that was awesome! Huh, son?**

**Uhh...Do you think he's okay?**

**Ahh, he can walk that off. Xiahou Dun's out of the arena! Next!**

**Outside of arena**

**Director sees Xiahou Dun lying on the ground a few feet away from him.**

**So...I heard this big guy in purple is going up against Wei's greatest warriors.**

**Animator runs up to him.**

**I got a look at him. It's Hokuto no Ken Sima Yi. He's tearing them up.**

**We have to go capture him! But after we watch the generals getting their ass kicked.**

**Arena**

**Xu Chu barrels into FNS Sima Yi, with him able to push him into a corner.**

Grr...GGRRAH!

**He releases energy, and pushes Xu Chu off. Xu Chu goes to tackle him again, but he catches him and throws him out.**

**Xu Huang, Zhang Liao, and Pang De go to surround FNS Sima Yi. They all each attack him on all sides, but FNS Sima Yi takes Pang De and uses him to knock down Xu Huang. Zhang Liao runs up to his behind, but FNS Sima Yi turns and gives him fast-paced punches to his chest and stomach. This knocks Zhang Liao out. Xu Huang and Pang De get up to attack FNS Sima Yi once again, but he gets their heads, and bashes them together. **

**Danm...Just damn...Imagine what he can do for my conquest...**

**The door behind him opens, with Sima Yi walking in. (The real one.)**

**So, that's where you were...What are you doing, Lord Cao Cao?**

**Oh, hey...Sima Yi?**

**What? Why are you acting like I'm a total stranger?**

**If you're here...Who's that?**

**Who's who? **

**He then sees the FNS him beating generals up.**

**Is...that me...? He's wearing my clothes, but they're torn up. No, wait a minute! Why is "me" beating the Confucius out of your generals?**

**Because he seemed to be powerful, and I thought he could be of use to me.**

**But..it's me...**

**Yeah, except he's Lu Bu-powerful. Now, let's watch.**

**Zhang he walks up to the FNS Sima Yi.**

**Oh, my. Sima Yi? Did you gain weight? Those clothes are really torn up. He then attacks him using his claws and cuts his face.**

**Whoa! He got a hit on the guy! **

**FNS Sima Yi runs up to Zhang He, and kicks him hard in the stomach. This sends him to hit the wall. But he propels himself off the wall, and drills himself into FNS Sima Yi's chest, knocking him down. But he gets up quickly, picks up Zhang He by the neck, and throws him hard to make a dent on the wall.**

**Dian Wei goes to grab him from behind, and he holds him for Li Dian, Yu Jin, and Yue Jin to attack him. But FNS Sima Yi glows, and releases energy that blinds everyone and breaks free of Dian Wei's grip. He then grabs Li Dian by the legs, and uses him to hit Yue Jin and Yu Jin. He throws Li Dian at Dian Wei. Yu Jin goes to FNS Sima Yi, and puts him in a headlock, while Yue Jin gives FNS Sima Yi a kick to the stomach. FNS Sima Yi gets his hand and grabs Yu Jin's arm, and crushes it. **

**GAH!**

**Yu Jin lets go, and FNS Sima Yi gets Yue Jin by the leg. He then throws him at Yu Jin. Everyone is lying on the ground, bruised badly, and groaning.**

**Well, I see this man is just as powerful as Lu Bu himself.**

***sweat drop*...It's weird looking at myself beating the top generals...**

***snaps* I just got it, that's Sima Yi if he were to appear in Fist of the North Star.**

**What?**

**Nothing.**

**Director and Animator were sitting in seats near the center of the arena.**

**We should tell him...**

**Nah...Maybe...After we capture this big guy and put him against Lu Bu.**

**Director takes out a Pokeball and throws at FNS Sima Yi.**

**Okay, he's in. **

**Animator runs out to get the Pokeball.**

**Cao Cao sees the man has disappeared.**

**What happened? He just disappeared!**

**I think those two have something to do with it.**

**Sima Yi eyes Director and Animator. They run out of the arena when they saw he was staring at them. Sima Yi goes to the door behind him to chase after them.**

**Hmm? Where are you going?**

**Just catching those two.**

**Aww...My generals got beat up for nothing...**

**Outside of arena**

**The director and animator run out of the arena and towards Jin's area.**

**We have to go now! And capture the DW7 version of Sima Yi and we'll be done!**

**How's he doing anyway? **

**He has the cutsey and nice glitch, maybe tending to flowers?**

**Hey! You two!**

**Sima Yi's catching up to us! I didn't know he could run that fast! **

**You said there was one more! I saw that DW7 me, and I saw that buffed-up me! Explain!**

**Oh, it's a long story! I got drunk and made multiple versions of you. **

**Don't worry! We caught all of of them except DW7 you! We left him with your wife!**

**WHAT? You left that version of me with her?! **

**What? He's harmless!**

**No, he pretends to be that! Have you not know that about me?**

**He was...faking it..? Aww! Classic him to fake things!**

**I can't believe we fell for his cutesy attitude. We have to get back there.**

**DW7 Sima Yi was walking around the house and simply looking inside the rooms.**

**Well, this place hasn't changed that much. **

**He looks insides Sima Zhao's room.**

Sleeping...Like always...

**He looks into Sima Shi's room.**

Normally I'd see a meatbun around here, but there's nothing in here. Shi?

**Sima Shi turns to him with a riceball shaped like a meatbun in his mouth.**

Umm...What's that?

**You are just another version of Father, but I guess I can tell you. I just don't want to taste another meatbun for a while, so I have this riceball.**

It's shaped like a meatbun.

**I miss the shape.**

Ok...

**DW7 Sima Yi walks out of the room.**

Hmm...That's surprising he shows some dislike towards meatbuns. The me now must have done something right.

**He then walks over to DW8 Sima Yi's room and enters. He walks over to a door and opens to reveal its a closet full of Sima Yi's robes.**

Sleeping robes and his normal robes. Does he wear something else? Oh, well, I'll change into one of them just to mess with everyone.

**He removes his DW7 clothing and puts on DW8 Sima Yi's clothing.**

Hmm...Comfortable fabric. And he happens to keep another hat.

**He adjusts himself and walks out of the room. **

***10 minutes later***

**Director and Animator run into the entrance of the Sima Household.**

**Where is he? **

**Just look for the lighthouse hat.**

**They then run into "Sima Yi".**

**Wait, weren't you behind us a minute ago?**

Oh, I happened to come here ahead of you two.

**But that is not possible. You would have busted your lungs.**

**Sima Yi catches up to them.**

**Huff...huff...I...can't breathe...**

**He needs one of those oxygen tanks old people get when inside retirement homes.**

**Hey, I'm...not...that...old...**

**So, if this Sima Yi caught up to us, who's that Sima Yi?**

**What..? **

**Sima Yi stares at the Sima Yi in front of him.**

***eye twitch* Why is there another me?**

Hello, me. Tired?

**Even I irritate myself...**

**Hey, I wonder if they could finish each other's sentences.**

So, can-

**NO.**

**How do you know what he's going to say?**

**I know he's going to ask to sleep with Chunhua.**

Oh, why not? It's not cheating.

**I..uh..I can't just-**

How about a thr-

**We can't put that here. Also, that's disgusting. (Maybe another female would work...)**

**That would be weird... (And kinda hot...)**

**Just capture this me.**

**Oh, fine. DW7 Yi, get in here. He holds out a Pokeball.**

Wait, you could see through this?

**Your eyes are different than DW8 Sima Yi's. Wait, is that racist?**

**No. I think...**

What's different?

**Your eyes are well...very slanty...and DW8 Sima Yi's are a little less slanty. Also, he has longer eyelashes.**

**Hey! **

**You could only make that observation if you really stare at Sima Yi's eyes. So, why were you staring at his eyes? Even I don't stare at them that long, and I'm his animator part-time. **

**Oh, please. Have you noticed how he's been Zhou Yuing these days?**

**Zhou Yuing?**

**Yeah, Zhou Yu was a manly guy until DW6, then BOOM, his balls disappeared. Sima Yi's displaying these signs. By DW9 or 10, he will be Zhou Yued.**

**That's nonsense...Also why Zhou Yu?**

**Because Zhou Yu is what we use when we describe a guy turning into a woman.**

**Ok...We also just said all of this in front of Sima Yi.**

**They turned to see Sima Yi glaring at them.**

**Are you saying I look like a woman..? *eye twitch***

**Yes. See, he has longer eyelashes. **

**I don't want to look...He's creepy if you stare into his eyes. How are you putting up?**

**I just pretend he's a random woman at the bar.**

***POW***

**Sima Yi punches the director in the face.**

***sticks tissue up his nose*..Okay...And are those rings the same as your wife's? I swear I've seen them on her.**

***sighs* Let me get him. **

**Animator throws the Pokeball at DW7 Sima Yi.**

**Okay, he's in. He goes to pick it up.**

**Tell me, how many of me have you left here?**

**We got them all. One of you is dead, but that doesn't matter. **

**Good. Now I can-what are you staring at?**

**The director and animator stare behind of Sima Yi. He turns to see what they are staring at.**

***Warrant's Cherry Pie plays* (You may be too young to know this song.)**

**A woman wearing very skimpy purple robes that almost showed her whole chest was walking towards the group in slow motion. Director lifted his sunglasses up, smiling while Animator and Sima Yi were blushing, mouths wide open.**

**Where's that music coming from?**

***holding up phone* I thought it was appropriate. **

**Turn it off.**

**No, wait until she gets here.**

**The woman walks up to Sima Yi.**

***turns off* No way! How can this guy get a woman without even trying?! He even looks like a woman himself!**

**Umm...That woman is wearing Sima Yi's robes...and the hat...**

Evening, boys. I think I'll take this guy here.

**She gropes Sima Yi's behind. **

**Ahh! *blushing*..I..I..I'm married...**

**THAT'S YOU! And I'm confused...**

**Wait, now I remember...I made a female Sima Yi back when I was stoned and horny.**

**Wait, why a female Sima Yi?**

**I also made Zhou Yu as a female, along with Cao Cao, Zhuge Liang, and Zhuge Dan.**

**WHAT? WHY?**

**I would do them if they were female. But Sima Yi and Zhou Yu...I'd go both ways for them...**

**AHH! You are giving me too much info on your sexual desires! **

**Everyone would go gay for Sima Yi, even his sons would. Have you seen the fanart?**

**That's disgusting! **

**Even the author of this fic would go both ways for him.**

***plugging his ears* LALALA! I can't hear you! You're making this M-rated!**

**The only thing that's close to being M-rated is the fact that woman just grabbed Sima Yi's butt. She could have grabbed his-mmph!**

**Animator covers his mouth.**

**The moment you mention anyone's "thing", this will become M-rated. Ugh...I wonder if the historical Sima Yi is haunting us now...**

**Uhh...you two...this woman is really trying to get my robes off...HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THERE!**

**Sima Yi pushes the female "him" off.**

**Look at that, even sheSima Yi wants him!**

**Oh, someone's coming. It's Zhang Chunhua...**

**Don't you love how she appears whenever Sima Yi does something naughty?**

**Enough breaking the fourth wall...**

**Wait, Chunhua's coming? AGAIN, GET YOUR HANDS OFF!**

Aww...Your wife's coming? Well, she can join us**.**

**This woman's really vulgar! (That doesn't sound like a bad idea...WAIT, what am I thinking?!)**

**Zhang Chunhua walks to the entrance, seeing Sima Yi with the female him.**

**...*eye twitch*..Who's that...? **

**No, no it's not what it looks like! This is a woman who is ME.**

**...You're joking...right?**

**I'm afraid not.**

**The female Sima Yi walks over to Zhang Chunhua. **

**This is weird...**

**I know, but this will be HOT! **

***BAM***

**There are things I tolerate about you...but not this...**

Hmm...So you're married to that pretty boy over there? I see he likes "certain things" about you.

**Who are you? You have my husband's clothes and hat on you. Are you..?**

Hahaha...Got it through your head? I'M your husband.

**Everyone around her had their mouths hanging wide open.**

**Wait...Who's the husband in this? They're both women.**

**Would Zhang Chunhua still be on top? **

**Stop thinking dirty!**

**Wait, I got it! Sima Yi is bottom when he's male, but when he's female, he-I mean-SHE would be on top. Even with Zhang Chunhua.**

That funny man is right. I would dominate this woman along with her husband. Now, who to have fun with first?

**WAIT! We can't show that!**

**Aww, you buzzkill...**

**Of course you would be upset! **

**If you don't let us show this, I'll immediately call you gay. **

**Huh?! **

**I have a camera here.**

**You perv! What are you going to do with the video?**

**Post it. It will be so popular. Oh, come on! I bet you want to see!**

***blushes* I-I...uhh...**

**You WANT to! **

**Well...I...What about Sima Yi?**

**Animator turns to see Sima Yi staring at the two women.**

**See, he wants to see too.**

**N-no, I don't! **

**I can see some drool...**

***wipes his mouth*Again, I don't want to have no part in this crime against nature!**

**I don't think it is...It's you...in a different gender...with your wife...**

**You lucky bastard, he gets to watch and/or be in it!**

**And you believe you would be a better substitution?**

**Well...If I got the chance...**

**No way they would.**

So, you two have children? Hm-hm... This will be interesting...

***blushes* What my husband and I do together is none of your business!**

Oh, so feisty...Just how I like them...How big is his-?

**NOPE! CAN'T SAY THAT!**

**God, you're like the FCC...**

**What do you want me to do? Make this M-rated?**

**YES. That's what everyone wants. Include all the sex!**

**NO! The author is not comfortable doing that stuff. Nor being good at it.**

**Well, he or she LOVES to tease us with small implications on sexual themes. Especially with this Sima Yi lady. **

Stop interrupting us, or I'll rip out your *bleep*.

**Oh, the things are bleeped. Please don't rip out my thing!**

Hmph, I thought you were pretty cute, but I'm having second thoughts. Anyway, that dress seems easy to take off... You're basically saying to throw you onto a bed and get you done.

***blushing* What are you saying? A woman shouldn't say such things!**

**Female Sima Yi lunges forward, touching strands of Zhang Chunhua's hair.**

Such lovely hair...I would love to see it spread out on a pillow or on the ground...

**Whistling and yelling are heard, but no one's around them.**

**Wait, where's that coming from? Huh?**

**Animator turns to his bag that contained the Pokeballs.**

***whistles* Go get her done!**

**Give that *bleep* a lesson!**

**Get to the sex already!**

**Need me to join? I have wires to tie you naughty ladies up.**

**Uhh...**

**Even those guys want this to happen! Are you willing to disappoint them?**

**Well...I..Ah, screw it! Do your sexy stuff already. I want to see.**

What makes you think I want men to watch me? I would like somewhere private.

**Director pulls out a Pokeball and releases DW6 Sima Yi.**

Oh, hey ladies. Need me?

Maybe...What can you do?

This.

**He release wires to tie Zhang Chunhua in a wire cocoon.**

***blushes*Ahh!**

**Why did you do that?**

**Because it would be hotter if she were to be tied up and DW6 Sima Yi is best for tying women up.**

**Sima Yi! How are you letting this pass?!**

**I'm just as angry. (And aroused.)**

**You don't look angry...You just have your normal face.**

**I...well...**

**You are enjoying this, huh?**

**N-no! I just feel no anger because it's still me, just in different forms and not another man.**

**What if it were another man?**

**Then I would pour a flask of acid down his throat, slice his abdomen to expose his bowels being disintegrated before his very eyes by the acid, gouge one of his eyes out, and force a sword down his throat so that it goes throughout his whole body, slicing everything inside. And I'm watching that DW6 me closely...**

**...Oh...**

**There goes #23 on my bucket list, I still have #12...and I can accomplish #31. **

**What the-? You have a bucket list?**

**#23 was to have anything sexual with *whispers* "her". #12 is do anything sexual with Lian Shi. #31 is kiss a girl or guy resembling Sima Yi, but that woman is Sima Yi, so I guess it counts. **

**Can you just go up to Sima Yi himself and kiss him?**

**No...He'll snap my neck if I did... **

**So how long is your bucket list? **

**About having 100 things to do. But it continues to add on.**

**Hey, what the hell are you doing?!**

**DW6 Sima Yi picks up the tied up Zhang Chunhua and runs off.**

Bye!

Hmm..This will be a problem...

**The female Yi chases after him.**

**Hey, you snake! I don't care if you're me! I'll pour acid down your throat! **

**Sima Yi runs after him.**

**Wow, it's coming from the snake himself...**

**Should we help?**

**Oh, please. We can just use the Pokeball. DW6 Sima Yi, back in.**

**A white streak flies towards them, and into the Pokeball.**

**He's in. I can't get the female Sima Yi though...**

**COME ON! YOU HAD TO TAKE HER TOO!**

Oh, I can't let such a cute woman escape me. You know...I can have fun with both of you...

**Wait, what are you are you doing..? AHHH! You had the wire gloves too?!**

Now where are your chambers?

**Let's go! I have the camera!**

***sigh* Why not? **

**The director and animator walk towards the noise.**

**CENSORED**

***tearing noises***

You're first...Hm-hm...

**What are you-? Mmph!**

How about you join in or am I going to make you?

**I-I...**

***tearing noises* *moan***

***2 hours later* **

**The director and animator walk out of the house, holding a Pokeball. (Also blood is flowing through their noses and they are drooling.)**

**We caught her AND I got the video!**

**Just hope they don't come out and kill us for filming them.**

**Oh, they won't be getting out of bed for a while...if you know what I mean...That gives us time to run. **

**You have something that belongs to them...**

**No, I don't.**

**You took woman's underwear, I saw you...**

**I'll go back and snatch another one for you.**

**No. Just don't.**

**Come...Back...huff...Here...**

**They turned to see a pale Sima Yi walking very slowly in torn-up clothing, covered in lipstick markings, and messy hair.**

**Well, looky here, the lucky bastard can stand after all that. **

**Give...me...that...**

**Hell NO! This is the only footage to EVER exist of you having a threeway! **

**Now you said it...But I'm too tired to actually bother with the language.**

**...Grr...ugh...**

**Can't stand on your two feet? Well, it was because you were on your knees the entire time.**

**You are really throwing clues about what happened.**

**Oh, please, everyone will figure it out because they have dirty minds. HEY!**

**Sima Yi slaps the camera out of Director's hand and takes it himself.**

**Hmm...You seem to capture everything... This has to go.**

**He crushes the camera with his bare hands.**

**How can you have that much strength left?! **

**I feel rather relaxed...I'll go back to bed...**

**It's only afternoon...**

***smirking*..Exactly...**

**He walks away from them.**

**How about we ruin the mood for him?**

**How?**

**We have the Zhuge Liang clones in Shu. This will make him freak. HEY, Sima Yi! Did you hear? There are seven Zhuge Liangs in Shu!**

**Who? Zhuge-what? I don't know any L-li-something...**

**OH. MY. GOD. **

**Wow...We should go now.**

**No, I want to tell this to Cao Cao and Guo Jia. See their reactions.**

**They won't believe you...Unless you have the video...Oh, wait...Sima Yi destroyed it...**

**That's why I have pictures. They say it's worth a thousand words.**

**How..?**

**I knew Sima Yi or someone else will try to destroy the video, so I took a few pictures just in case.**

**...Yep...These say a lot...**

**Ok, let's go!**

**No, to Shu to get the Zhuge Liang clones. (I wonder what happened in there now...) You can fool around with your buddies after this situation is resolved.**

**Aww...You no fun!**


	3. 5 percent of your boners are from mom

**So, how will we get to Shu? Horses?**

**We don't need horses when we have FAST-TRAVEL! Look, I have the Pip-boy 3000! **

**Ok...**

**World Map...Where in Shu?**

**Chengdu, I guess.**

**Chengdu it is! **

***BLIMP***

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**Here we are! **

**But can we even put that here? We put Fist of the North Star, Saints Row, Pokemon, and now Fallout! I'm surprised we didn't get sued yet!**

**I have the Pip-boy 3000, shut up. Look, it has the guy! I'm healthy right now. Don't worry I have a few more things up my sleeve.**

**Evening, gentlemen.**

**They turned to see Zhuge Liang.**

**Oh, hey Zhugey! Did you meet the multiple yous?**

**(Zhugey?) Oh, my, you knew? I was hoping to keep that a secret...**

**Wait, NO ONE has met them? How did you conceal them?**

**My office is large enough to hold all of them.**

**How...?**

**I shall lead you to there. Just keep this quiet.**

**Zhuge Liang's office**

**Oh my god, it's larger then last time I was here. Now where are the yous?**

**Umm...Around here...**

**Well, we have to take them back. Do we have enough Pokeballs?**

**Yep. Oh, by the way, did you happen to meet a buff you, a rude you, and a female you?**

**Indeed. They were most difficult to contain. Especially the one who kept on yelling profanity at me. **

**Yeah, that's Gangster him.**

**I question why is there one of me that is...the size of Lu Bu...**

**Long story...But where are they?**

**Zhuge Liang hits the wall, making the floor open.**

**They are in there. Like me, they prefer to be alone. Along with scrolls.**

**The three descend into a room similar to the one above them.**

**How do you even get this room built?**

**I have some experience in carpeting and constructing. **

**But you were a farmer...**

**See, they are here. You are here to take them, no?**

**Yes, but why are you not taking advantage of this? You could expand Shu with this much intelligence.**

**Zhuge Liang gets in Animator's face.**

***voice lower* Look, I already have Sima Yi and Zhou Yu barking up my ass. I do not need this clone thing to add onto my stress along with things going on now in Shu, combined with Horsey and Fishy over in Wei and Wu. (The "ma" in Si"ma" means "horse" and "Yu" means "fish".)**

**But they're you...**

**And that is what irritates me. This world does not need more than one me. **

***snickers* Horsey and Fishy...So, I have clones of Sima Yi with me now...**

**What? That's even worse! I-I...**

**Just show us to your clones.**

**Over there. **

**They open a door. It reveals DW1 Zhuge Liang.**

**Oh, you look...so blocky...**

***BAM***

**OW! I'm sorry!**

***BAM***

**DW1 Zhuge Liang keeps on hitting the director.**

**This one is not that bright...**

**OW! STOP! OW! Fans really hurt!**

**Animator throws a Pokeball at DW1 Liang.**

***spits* Man, he packs a punch. Where's Gangster Zhuge Liang?**

**Oh, that vulgar one...He's in the room far over there.**

**Let me get Gangster Sima Yi and see what happens.**

**He takes the Pokeball, and walks up to the door.**

**Yo, homie! I got my homie to bust ya ass out of tis cage!**

**What is he saying...?**

**Slang.**

**Director opens the Pokeball and Gangster Sima Yi comes out, still injured. He has his body still bent up.**

I...Fix me *cough*up!

**Oh, yeah, Zhang Chunhua really did a number on you. Pip-boy, what does he need?**

**Pip-Boy:**

**Left arm, crippled **

**Right arm, crippled**

**Left leg, crippled**

**Right leg, crippled**

**Torso, crippled**

**Head, crippled**

**He needs a Doctor's Bag. I don't have any... Stimpaks? No... What can I use? Oh, kill him and use a Phoenix Down.**

Wait, what?!

**Director stabs Gangster Yi with a knife, killing him. He then takes out the Phoenix Down and revives him.**

You crazy?! I could have been dead!

**I saved your life!**

You shanked me, and you revived me back!

**Just open the door to your homie's cell.**

**Gangster Yi opens the door into the room. Gangster Liang walks out and sees him.**

'Sup?

'Sup?

What do you have?

A RPG, a dildo bat, dubstep gun, satchel charges, AK-47, pistols, Apocafists, laser guns, some fart in a jars, and grenades.

You're alright...Give me.

**Saints Row Liang takes multiple weapons then points the AK-47 at the director.**

**Whoa! I set you free! **

You right...

**He turns to point the gun at Zhuge Liang.**

**You...**

You put me in the big house! Now to pop that head with lead!

**Duck!.**

**Animator knocks Zhuge Liang down as bullets sprayed everywhere.**

**Get him!**

**Director throws a Pokeball at SR Zhuge Liang. He then returns SR Sima Yi back in his Pokeball.**

**I guess it won't be that fun if they try to kill us.**

**That...me was...rather more like Zhang Fei...*shudders***

**Give me some Pokeballs, I'll catch them even when you're being dist**

**Aww...**

**Animator opens another door. He is greeted with a laser beam going to his head.**

**Ow... **

**He throws the Pokeball inside the room.**

**Why did we give him and Sima Yi lasers again?**

**Because they are were the weakest characters, and they used fans. The lasers make up for that.**

**That doesn't make sense...**

**Of course it doesn't, it's Omega Force logic.**

**Director opens a door, and throws a Pokeball.**

**Who was it?**

**Just DW2 and 3 Zhuge Liang, he's not that interesting.**

**Is it the same person or-?**

**Yeah, it's one person. **

**The director goes in front of another door.**

**You know what? F*** it. **

**He goes to each door and throws a Pokeball into the openings.**

**Done. **

**We still need to pick them up.**

**AGH!**

***10 minutes later***

**There! We got all the Zhuges! Now to stick them around Sima Yi to see if he'll go insane.**

**Eh, why not? AH!**

**A female in familiar clothing grabs the animator and takes him into a room.**

**Who was that? Wait, I remember I created a female Zhuge...**

**Hey, this woman is taking my pants! Ah!**

**The director is in thought, ignoring the noise.**

**...I wonder what's she's into...**

**What are you doing with that rope? **

**...I want to put female Sima Yi and her in the same room and see what happens...**

***random noises***

***30 minutes later***

***rustling noises***

**...(Is Sima Yi still in bed? Also, I never got to ask what happened to Zhang Chunhua after that. Note to self: That lady needs therapy after having sex with not one, but TWO Sima Yis. That's got to traumatize the most stable of heads. I know I would, but I'll still do it. But I'm sure she's used to it, because she lives with him for a LONG time. Not to mention the fact Sima Yi is SO DAMN PRETTY. But that will get him butt-raped if he were to be in prison. What will he be in prison for? Embezzlement? He murdered a lot of people...Nah, he's Asian. I tend to forget he's Asian sometimes because of his very fluent English. Wait, how CAN he speak English? In matter of fact, how is everyone able to speak English?! Furthermore, how can they speak Japanese?! I should ask Zhugey if he can speak some Mandarin.)**

**The door opens with the animator plopping face down behind the animator****. **

** ..What..were you doing... this ENTIRE time?**

**Thinking.**

**What? **

**If I just spout out all the things I thought in my head, I would looked like a crazy person.**

**What's crazy is that you just stood here while I was being violated!**

**Well, you are no longer a virgin. ...Or did you lose that a long time ago?**

**I lost my virginity at twenty. I'm twenty-four.**

**Hey, Sima Yi's age-ish.**

**That's not his age, only in DW2 through DW6. Now we made him to be about thirty. That makes Zhuge Liang about twenty-eight.**

**So, how was it? **

**I can't say...Because this is a person I animate for a living. But at the same time, refreshing.**

**Ok...MY TURN!**

**He runs into the room.**

***30 minutes later***

**Director walks out of the room in triumph.**

**Yeah! Still got it! She was top, but still loved it.**

**The woman walks out.**

Who's next? You?

**Zhuge Liang just starts to be flustered.**

**No! I don't want to engage in intercourse with myself and I'm married!**

**It's not cheating since it's yourself.**

**It's like masterbating, except it's literally playing with yourself.**

Come here.

**Female Zhuge Liang grabs Zhuge Liang and pulls him into the room.**

**B-but I-**

Did I say you had a choice?

***SLAM***

***CRASH* *BAM* *POW* *CLANG***

**What the hell's going on? It sounds more like Looney Tunes than sex. **

***THUD* OW! *THUD* **

***tearing noises***

**Kinky...**

***20 minutes later***

**Zhuge Liang walks out, pale in the face, and falls to the ground.**

**Catch her now, before she rapes everyone.**

**Wait, I want to throw Female Sima Yi.**

**Director throws a Pokeball. Female Sima Yi stands in front of Director.**

What is it?

**Want to have sex with Zhuge Liang?**

I'd rather have sex with DW5 me.

**Wow...That bad...**

**The door opens with female Zhuge Liang walking out, seeing Female Sima Yi.**

Oh, coming to submit to me?

In your dreams, I rather to DW5 and DW2 me than you.

**Whoa, this is turning me on...**

**Gee, keep that to yourself...**

Oh, do I need to make you admit I'm better than you?

Not if I do it first.

**Female Sima Yi goes up to female Zhuge Liang with a knife to her head. **

**This is SO better then male Yi and Liang fighting.**

**Zhuge Liang gets up and sees the female Sima Yi.**

**...Wait...Is that..?**

**Yep.**

Hmm, you're up.

Did I do that much to you?

**I-I...**

**Give me the Pokeballs. **

**Aww...**

**Animator takes two Pokeballs and throws them.**

**So, we're done?**

**Yeah, I guess.**

**A buff man walks in.**

Hey, I got the milk and eggs.

**...Is that...?**

**You concealed everyone else, while you let the big guy out?!**

**I told everyone it was my brother.**

**They bought it?! (Damn Shu is stupid.)**

**They met Zhuge Jin. How were you..?**

**I said a brother from another mother. Lord Liu Bei took it seriously.**

**I...am...stunned...But look at him! He's a master piece! Now where's FNS Sima Yi?**

**..What..?**

**We have a buff version of Sima Yi.**

**Zhuge Liang bursts out laughing.**

**HAHAHAHAHA! Sima Yi? Buff? HAHAHAHAHA! Those don't go together! HAHAHAHA! Even Zhou Yu would be better like that! HAHAHAHAHA!**

**He falls and rolls on the ground.**

Umm...Master..?

**The big guy submits to that tiny him?**

**Alright, in the ball. **

**Director throws a Pokeball at FNS Zhuge Liang.**

**Okay, let's go outside.**

***Few minutes later***

**Now can we pit FNS Sima Yi against FNS Zhuge Liang? It'll be so awesome I'll die!**

***sigh* I guess so...Give me one of them.**

**Director gives Animator a Pokeball and he takes one.**

**On the count of three...**

**One...**

**Two...**

**Three!**

**They both throw their Pokeballs, releasing the FNS versions of Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang. The versions instantly recognize each other.**

You...my old nemesis...

The time has come for you to die!

**They swung their fists into each other. The impact creates cracks in the earth and breaks all surrounding walls.**

**Awesome! My money's on Zhugey! My nerdy instincts are all tingly right now!**

**We might need to get out of the way...**

**They both run away, to hide behind a piece of wall and peeked over it.**

**Zhuge Liang runs outside, to see the fight.**

**What in the name of Heaven...? Is that Sima Yi?**

**Get out of the way unless you want to be crushed to dust!**

**He runs to where the Director and Animator were hiding behind.**

**What did you do...?**

**We just made buff you go against buff Sima Yi.**

**Oh, I want to see. Gold on myself!**

**I got popcorn.**

**FNS Sima Yi winds up his fist and swings, but is caught by FNS Zhuge Liang. They have both their hands clasping the other's, and FNS Zhuge Liang flips him, making FNS Sima Yi hit the ground. But he gets up and does the same to FNS Zhuge Liang, flips him onto the ground. FNS Sima Yi is about to stomp on the lying body, but is grabbed and thrown out of the area. FNS Zhuge Liang jumps after him to give him a kick to the stomach, causing him to spit blood. **

**Playing dirty, are they now?**

**They're still strategists, of course they like to play dirty.**

**FNS Sima Yi falls to the ground, creating a large crater below. FNS Zhuge Liang flies propels himself down, but FNS Sima Yi rolls out of the way. He is a****bout to recover from the impact to his legs, but is given a punch to the face by FNS Sima Yi. He gives him a kick to the leg, then a punch to the chest, causing FNS Zhuge Liang to fall onto one knee. FNS Sima Yi winds up, until ****FNS Zhuge Liang begins to glow, and his robes tear up into pieces. He gets up, grasps FNS Sima Yi's face and forces him into the ground. He then picks him up and forces him to stand. ****FNS Zhuge Liang then starts to rapidly tap certain areas of the FNS Sima Yi.**

ATATATATATATA!

**The body explodes into a bloody mess.**

**YEAH! Pay up!**

**I did not bet...**

**Aww...**

**Can we even show that? It's now rated-M.**

**Now who really cares about that? It's the sex they worry about, and not the gore these days.**

**We both did that here.**

**Look, the author REALLY tried to compress all of the M stuff with convenient censoring. Plus, do you know how much more money it costs to animate the M stuff? Also, convenient censoring is REALLY hard.**

**This isn't even animated, it's just words. **

**Fine, it cost too much space to describe the sex and gore. Happy?**

**Animator throws the Pokeball FNS Zhuge Liang.**

**Man, if Wu Zhang Plains were more like that...**

**That would be absurd...and Zhuge Liang died anyway, so that would be pointless. **

**Oh, that reminds me: Zhugey, do you know Mandarin?**

**Hmm? Of course. **

**Can you at least say a phrase?**

**Mǎ, yú, miàntiáo, tù, zhǒngzǐ**

**Don't just lump random things together!**

**How do you know? You speak it?**

**He just said horse, fish, noodle, rabbit and seed! That's not even a phrase! And of course you have to learn it if you need to read their sangozis and ROTK!**

**They have translated versions.**

**That sort of takes out the fun in reading them.**

**How about bad-mouthing Sima Yi or Zhou Yu? I'm sure you can do that.**

**No. I respect those two, but bad-mouthing them is for when I am standing in front of them. Simply saying negative things about them behind their backs is just cowardly.**

**How about I stick a cardboard cutout in front of you? **

**No. It's an inanimate object, throwing insults at it will make me look mad.**

**Oh, fine! Just say a simple phrase.**

**Nǐ shì yúchǔn de. (You are stupid.)**

**That sounds like something Sima Yi would say...**

**What? **

**He called you stupid.**

**Hey! I have a Masters degree, thank you very much!**

**I have a Ph.D.**

**How are you working for Koei then?!**

**A Ph.D doesn't necessarily have to be in medicine. I got one in computer engineering. Didn't you say you used to be a computer engineer back when you turned the characters into chess pieces? How are you here?**

**I got fired because I was programming the company's prototype robots to act out the fight scenes in "Pacific Rim."**

**Woooow...**

**Man, I miss the days when I was able to have one-night stands with woman just because I said "I'm a computer engineer."**

**..Okay...Did not need to know that. How old are you?**

**I'm twenty-two.**

**WHAT?! How are you younger then me?! **

**The world's weird sometimes...But enough about me, I want to see Saints Row Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang blow up stuff with dildo bats and cyber tanks.**

**China is not able to take the damage! **

**This a video game world now, things respawn.**

**Zhuge Liang gets in front of the two.**

**You are not letting those beasts destroy Shu!**

**Alright, how about we leave them in Wu?**

**Okay.**

**Whoa, you're not mad? It's you destroying stuff IN WU. Your ally?**

**They are going to you, not me.**

**Fine. Now, the Pip-boy...Wu...**

***BLIMP* **

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**People are going to throw hate mail at us for causing mayhem in Wu. **

**If we went to Wei to do that, we will still get the same thing.**

**Director turns to face you, the reader.**

**We have no dislike for Wu, nor any other kingdoms. Yeah, those Saints Row guys will trash the place, but it's Saints Row. You're SUPPOSED to trash the place.**

**What about Lian Shi? **

**To Wei! **

**What about Zhang Chunhua?**

**She's not Wei.**

**Wei and Jin are the same thing.**

**Back to Shu!**

**We just got here. **

**Stop making me choose!**

**You can play hero...Just saying...(I love to play with his emotions.)**

**Ok!**

**They both throw two Pokeballs, releasing the SR versions.**

Where are we?

Who cares?! Another place to trash! Let get out my phone.

***BLIMP* *BLOOP* *BLEEP***

**A tank appears in front of SR Sima Yi.**

**Isn't that for Grand Theft Auto? In Saints Row, you can't spawn vehicles. They just appear in your garage.**

**They have no garage...Well, not here. Also, you can call someone to bring you a vehicle too.**

**SR Zhuge Liang takes out his phone.**

***BLEEP* *BLOOP* *BLIMP***

Get me my tank.

***BLIMP***

**A tank suddenly goes to SR Zhuge Liang's side. A person comes out of it.**

**Is that Jiang Wei?**

**Ha! He's in one of those basketball jerseys that is obviously too large for him! **

***snickers* He has a baseball cap, and gold chains.**

**SR Zhuge Liang takes out a gun and shoots him.**

**What? Why did he do that?!**

**Oh, that's what I do to the person who brings my vehicle when I play the game. Usually I just run him over though.**

Hey, who causes the most mayhem wins!

Oh, you're on!

**The tanks start up, and they start to destroy everything in their path.**

**So that's what would happen if they were friendly with each other. Scary...**

**Ok, they're in. Don't worry, we won't get hurt.**

**What about the people?**

**Aww, you sound just like Liu Bei right now.**

**No, seriously, what about them?**

**I turned off civilians, but I left the DW characters on. **

**Well, they have something on their hands.**

**We'll tell them they're pirates.**

**Pirates? Really?**

**They're 2000 years old, what can I say? All I've got are bandits and pirates.**

**Somewhere in Wu**

**A messenger runs up to Sun Quan.**

**Sir! We got mysterious weaponry destroying everything in a firey mess!**

**What? Are they heading here?**

**It's going everywhere! **

**I-I-Who's army?**

**We don't know! It's only those two things!**

**Sun Quan walks out onto his balcony and spots the tanks.**

**Dear god...Do we stand a chance? Huh? **

**No, Gan Ning! **

**You fool! **

**I'm not saving his behind this time...**

**Gan Ning jumps onto a tank and begins to give multiple hits to it. He stops in exhaustion.**

**Huff..huff..huff...What is this made out of? AHH!**

**He gets hit by the barrel of the tank as the top swerves around to shoot another fireball. **

**Zhou Yu, Lu Meng, and Ling Tong are all standing on top of their garrison. **

**Well, he's dead. **

***sigh* That boy...**

**What technology! It certainly is not Shu's army, nor Wei's. Who is this new challenger?**

**Lu Bu?**

**He's dead.**

**No, he isn't. I can just call him.**

**How can you, Lu Meng?**

**We have the same surname.**

**That doesn't really make a difference. **

**You want to stop this or not?**

***sigh*..We no choice...**

**Just let me get the game from Lu Su.**

**...Do we look like we have for games?!**

**A few minutes would be nice.**

***10 minutes later***

**LU MENG! That thing's coming closer!**

**Just a minute...There!**

**Lu Bu appears in front of Zhou Yu.**

**Whoa! He's really here! Umm...want something to destroy?**

**Yes, please. **

**There are two giant things out there, and they think they can beat you.**

**Oh, is that so? I shall go and test them.**

**Lu Bu jumps up, and lands directly in front of the tanks. The earth shakes. He then yells in a thundering voice:**

**HEY, YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT THE GREAT-AAHHH!**

**The tanks just drove over him.**

Can the chatter.

**Oh, no! We're doomed! **

**Zhou Yu, he's still alive.**

**Oh...**

**Why you...I'LL SHOW YOU!**

**With one upward swing of his halbred, he hits the wheels off of SR Zhuge Liang's tank.**

What? How can that guy-?

**Lu Bu winds up again, and hits the other set of wheels on the other side. **

I can no longer move!

**Ha! Not so tough now! Come and face me!**

**The top of the tank swivels to face the barrel in front of Lu Bu. A blast come out. Lu Bu is sent flying.**

** GAAAAH!**

**Now we're doomed!**

**No, watch. This is the best part.**

**The smoke clears, with Lu Bu running up towards the tank in a red and black aura. He then grabs the barrel with his bare hands, and rips the top right off the tank. He then uses it to smash the remainder of the tank, causing SR Zhuge Liang to eject out of it.**

*cough* Well, I have the invincibility cheat on, so you can't do anything to me. It seems like a job for the Apocafists!

**He takes out two giant fists. **

**Hmm...You seem fun. HA! **

**Lu Bu attacks, but is stopped.**

**What? **

Ha!

**With one punch, Lu Bu turned to blood and guts. **

**AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! **

**Oh, my god...**

**Also, is that Zhuge Liang?! He's coming to get me! I know it! **

**Calm down. **

**HOW CAN I?! **

**Oh, excuse me. **

**Huh?**

**He sees Director and Animator. **

**Hi. *waves***

**Oh, you. Umm...you put me in a dress once...**

**Oh, yeah. And you stuck a sword through my head...**

**What do you want? **

**What just happened?**

**Zhou Yu grabs him by the collar.**

**What happened? *shakes him* WHAT HAPPENED?! Zhuge Liang just turned Lu Bu to bloody bits!**

**Oh, he used Apocafists. But Lu Bu is a brute, so he shouldn't have turned into bits of blood. Hmm...**

**He was human.**

**Oh, yeah, that's right.**

**HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?!**

**Because we can fix this place with just a snap. Lu Bu can respawn. All is good.**

Burn, burn, BURN! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHH!

***BOOM* BOOM* **

**Gee, SR Sima Yi is scary...He's like Lu Xun combined with the older Sima Yis, Jia Xiu, and the default Saints Row 2 character.**

**Why specifically the older Sima Yis?**

**Becuase Sima Yi now is a pussy.**

**That's a little much...Does Zhang Chunhua really bring Sima Yi down a notch?**

**The balance between his wife and him is like a seesaw. He's hanging up there while Chunhua is at the very bottom. Sima Yi tries as hard as he can to push her up, but just can't.**

**The image is weird, and also, you kinda just implied that Zhang Chunhua is fat.**

**How? I said it's like a seesaw, Sima Yi is up there, pushing, and even standing, to get her up, but the balance remains no change...Oh, I see. Well, she's heavy in terms of power. **

**Be glad we're not in Wei now or she will-wait, where are they going?**

Hey, look at that giant-ass building over there! Let's destroy that!

Hell yeah!

**SR Zhuge Liang hops onto SR Sima Yi's tank, and it goes towards Wei.**

**They're going to Wei now! We have to go!**

**What about the destruction here? Are you going to do something about it?**

**Director takes his phone out, and presses a few buttons. **

**Everything around them is returned to its original form.**

**There. Happy? Now...Xuchang...**

***BLIMP***

**After the rubble cleared, it revealed ****Gan Ning was lying on the ground unconscious. **

**Oh, there's Gan Ning.**

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**They should be here...about...NOW!**

**Nothing happened.**

**NOW!**

**Still nothing.**

**NOW!**

**Stop, a tank can't go that fast.**

**Sima Yi's office**

**(What do I even do here? All I have are papers, but do I actually work? Huh, maybe of the distractions that go around here must prevent me from doing things. Shouldn't I be in bed anyway?)**

**Sima Yi gets interrupted by the tank crushing everything in front of him and is coming towards him. The tank stops just when the barrel is directly in front of his face.**

***eyes widen*...WHAT THE F-**

***BOOM***

Did you see that? I totally blew that guy's head off!

**Sima Yi is sent flying out and is lying in a pile of rubble. **

**...Ugh...I should have stayed in bed...**

**The tank goes forward, starts to blow things around it up.**

***cough*...Luckily, I ducked just in time or I would have my head flying. **

**Where is he? **

**Check over there. **

**My sons, over here!**

**Oh, there he is! Are you alright?**

**Sima Shi picks up a piece of burnt fabric.**

**Wait...That's my hat that burned up...Hey! I'm over here!**

**Sima Zhao comes over to Shi's side.**

**Oh, no! Father died in a firey blaze! And there some sticks from his hat on the ground.**

**You nitwits! I'm over here! **

**How are we going to break the news to Mother?**

***fake-ish crying* You will be missed...**

**They are bowing down to a shrine for Sima Yi. But the picture in the shrine was Sima Yi's hat.**

**All we have is this piece of fabric and these sticks to remember you by.**

**What the hell?! You made a shrine already for me?! And why do you have my hat as my picture?! **

**Sima Yi jumps out of the rubble, and runs over to roundhouse kick Sima Zhao and Sima Shi.**

**OOFF!**

**Ah! It's his ghost coming to haunt us! **

***SMACK***

**OW! **

**You two have been playing this charade while we are being attacked?! **

**That joke's really darn funny...*laughs***

**And it's true. Your hat is more you than yourself, thus the picture.**

**Enough with that joke! And why do you have a picture of my hat?**

**Oh, that was my idea. *snickers* I took it when they first announced your design.**

**But we would never do that if you actually died. But your hat will have some part in the shrine.**

**So if you died, I would put a meatbun instead of your picture. Since meatbuns are what define you.**

**Hey! **

**I don't know what I can do with Zhao...Maybe a pillow he last drooled on would work. But he died last out of all of the three of us. But enough fun and games, we must keep calm of the current situation. What was that thing that came through the building?**

**We have no idea. Also I could not find you for a few hours. What happened?**

**O-Oh, I was...uh...taking a "nap"...**

**That's not like you...**

**I was tired. I need rest from time to time. **

**I also have not seen Mother for a longer time. Is she alright?**

**O-Oh, yes, she was taking a "nap" as well. **

**You were napping together?**

**N-No, I had the couch.**

**Last time I checked, we don't have a couch. Well, before Zhao broke it because of his fat-ass. **

**For the last time, it was because it was old. **

**You jumped on it. The thing could not withstand your heavy being.**** Is Mother unwell?**

**No, she just...is...uh...tired.**

**We heard weird noises for a little bit also. Do we have a rodent problem? Or larger animals? **

**No...*blushing***

***BOOM***

**Oh, look at that! We have to go and contain that thing!**

**That thing will crush us. We're not powerhouses like Deng Ai. (Especially you.)**

***BOOM***

** AAAAAHHHH!**

**They turned to see the director and animator running towards them.**

**Oh, those men. What are they doing here?**

**Oh, heeey, Yi! We're just passing through here.**

**Did you just me Yi?**

**It's your name, shut up and welcome to the twenty-first century. **

**They walk away from Sima Yi.**

**Hey! Care to explain the giant object that is destroying Xuchang? **

**Oh, it's a tank. Bye!**

**Stop walking away from me! **

**They stop.**

**Ok, it's you that is destroying Xuchang. Along with Zhuge Liang.**

**...Are you joking...?**

**Nope. **

**...*eye twitch*...Maybe I did wake up from my nap...**

**Want me to make you invincible in order to go against the thing? **

**Are you some wizard? **

**No, look. **

**He drops a gold star with eyes.**

**That's Super Mario...Will it even work on him?**

**Just touch it, Yi.**

**Stop calling me Yi.**

**Sima Yi touches the floating star, and he glows with rainbow coloring. **

**Now run to the tank as fast as you can! **

**...If I die, I'll haunt you until the day you die. **

**And I wouldn't blame you. Now go.**

**Sima Yi walks towards the tank. The barrel turns towards him. He reaches out, and touches the barrel. The tank falls apart as if it were made out of blocks. SR Sima Yi is ejected.**

AHHH! OOF! The hell? Oh, you. Want a piece of this?

**He punches Sima Yi, but his arm cracks and bends out of shape.**

AAAAHHH!

**Sima Yi's invincibility wears off.**

**What? **

**Oh, I forgot to tell you! It lasts a few seconds! **

**Now you tell me?! **

**I'm sure you can kick his butt. Can you?**

**Maybe...Ha! **

**He gives SR Sima Yi a right hook. **

OOOFFF!

**Yeah! Kick his butt! **

Ok, you're asking for it...

**He takes out his dildo bat.**

**Dear me...Is that a male's...?**

**Ha, it's purple.**

**The "thing" is rather...ugh...**

**Yeah, these guys are pretty shocked for seeing a dildo bat.**

**Well, Dynasty Warriors use other ridiculous weapons. **

**But seeing a dildo bat in here is just...out of place...**

**Of course it's out of place! You have a sex toy as a weapon!**

**SR Sima Yi hits Sima Yi with the dildo bat.**

**I feel ridiculous fighting him...Ugh, it's moving...**

Take this!

***BAM***

**Ow! Why you little brat...**

**Sima Yi kicks SR Sima Yi in the leg.**

AHH! How these for size?

**He then takes out Apocafists.**

**Oh no! Sima Yi, get the hell out! You'll be nothing but guts and blood!**

**We are going to have sacrifice one of the Sima Yis. **

**DW5 Yi. **

**That was fast...**

**DW5 YI.**

**Ok, ok. **

**Animator throws a Pokeball, and releases DW5 Sima Yi.**

What is going on?

**Move it! **

**Sima Yi pushes DW5 Yi in SR Sima Yi's path.**

What the-?

Good bye!

**SR Sima Yi punches DW5 Yi, and he turns into blood and guts.**

**He just turned me into nothing but blood! Stop that beast! **

**All you can do is run. You can't withstand the strength of the Apocafists.**

**But he's going to kill everyone if he continues to keep those things! **

**I just noticed something, he just carried two melee weapons. You can't do that. So, take that!**

**He poses dramatically, while pointing at SR Sima Yi. **

**SR Sima Yi's Apocafits disappear, making him hold the dildo bat. **

What?! Where did they go?! GAAHH!

**He gets hit and falls.**

**What was that? You just stood there and yelled out.**

**That's the power of Phoenix Wright. In Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom, his special move was just that and it knocks a chunk of health down. **

***sigh*...We are so getting sued...**

**We should just call Phoenix, and we'll be fine.**

**Animator throws the Pokeball, and SR Sima Yi disappears.**

**We have to quit. Now where's SR Zhuge Liang?**

**SR Zhuge Liang runs by them, and punches Sima Yi in his privates.**

**GGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**He falls, tending to his "injury".**

HAHAHAHA! Hey, buddy. You've just been punched in the balls!

**Looks like Chunhua's not getting a daughter...*snickers***

***snickers*...I should not be laughing, but I am.**

**Man, I thought when I kicked him in the family jewels last time, I did the most damage. But this is much more than last time. No Chinese medicine or remedy can probably cure this.**

**Well, this can remind us he's a guy. **

**Sima Yi, consider wearing a cup.**

**...Ugh...what's a cup?...You mean stick a cup down my regions...?**

**No, but maybe your son's crotch armor from DW7.**

***winces* Just watching that made me feel pain down there.**

**Father, need some ice?**

**That's going to make it worse. **

**..Uh...I...I...feel...ugh...**

**Sima Yi falls unconscious.**

**Hey, Sima Yi, wakey, wakey. **

**Director pokes him.**

**It's no use. I have a Playboy here, maybe this will wake him up. Hey, sexy ladies are in this.**

**He slaps him. **

**Get up! **

***SMACK***

**Rise and shine!**

***SMACK***

**God, he sleeps like a log.**

**He then punches Sima Yi.**

**OW!**

**You're up. What do you think of this?**

**He shows the magazine to Sima Yi.**

**So...? Ow! It hurts!**

**Hurts to get a boner? How about some NSFW Zhang Chunhua?**

**NO! WE CAN'T SHOW THAT! AND HOW DO YOU HAVE IT?**

**The internet. I have Lian Shi-**

**SHUT. UP.**

**I'm still going to take it out. **

***sigh* Bring up the black card. **

**CENSORED **

**CENSORED **

**CENSORED **

**CENSORED**

***nose bleeding* OW! OW! OOWW! How do you have pictures of her? **

**They're all over the internet. Along with you and your boys. Sometimes together. **

***blushing* Now put that away. **

**Sima Shi and Sima Zhao were standing, eyes widen and mouths hanging wide open.**

**Yeah, drink it in. Your mom just gave you two a boner. Just nose bleed now.**

**They both fall to the ground.**

**AHH! My eye! It's bleeding!**

**After seeing that, Shi bleeds through his eye? Huh, I thought he's seen worse like...let's say walking in on Zhao and Yuanji...or his parents "doing it"?**

**Don't put that image in my head! AHH! It's bleeding more! **

**I don't really understand how it's gross. The parents look like their son's age, I mean, I wouldn't mind walking in.**

**It's your parents...The people who bore and took care of you...**

**I certainly wouldn't walk in MY parents doing it. But Sima Yi is so frickin' young-looking! To be honest, why isn't he tapping ass everyday?**

**Because he's a father, and he works. He's not some horny teenager. **

**He certainly looks like it with that face. GAH!**

**SR Zhuge Liang punches Director in his privates.**

**AAGGGHHH! OW! IT HURTS SO MUUUCH!**

**Not so funny now, huh? I shoul-GAH!**

**SR Zhuge Liang punches Animator in the privates.**

HAHAHA! Look at your faces! HAHAHA!

**Grr...In the ball...**

**Animator tosses a Pokeball at SR Zhuge Liang. He then plants his face onto the ground. **


	4. DW parodies are best when done correctly

**Director and Animator are lying on the ground, rolling in pain after a little "injury."**

**Agh...It hurts...so much...**

***cough*...Oh...I don't think...I can...get up...**

**Sima Yi is lying on the ground, in pain because of his "injury."**

**...I feel...so numb...**

**Sima Shi was bleeding from his eye, while Sima Zhao was lying there just because.**

**GET ME SOME BANDAGES OR SOMETHING! **

***snoring***

**OH NO! You are not sleeping while I'm bleeding!**

**He kicks him.**

**OW! **

**GET ME SOMETHING TO STOP THE BLEEDING!**

**Alright, alright. **

**He gets up, and walks off. **

**He's not coming back, is he?**

**Director gets up very slowly. **

**Ok, ok, ow! Ow! Ow, ow, steady...**

**Two golden objects roll down his legs.**

**AHH! My kintama! **

**..What?...**

**Two golden objects roll out of Animator's pant leg.**

**AAH! What are those?!**

**Your balls! **

**Why are they gold?! **

**"Golden balls" is slang for testicles! Look, Sima Yi's kintama are out too!**

**Kintama...? **

**Your balls! **

**Can we...even do this...? The whole beginning is just our balls coming off...**

**Screw the rating! I have to get them back on! **

**He gathers two golden balls. **

**This is not even...Let me get that...**

**That's mine! Ugh...this is disgusting! You just touched my...**

**Shut up! Just grab whatever's on the ground! **

**Animator gets the two golden balls on the ground. **

**How do we get them back on...? **

**Just stick them on! **

**He places the two golden balls down his pants.**

**They're not staying...Come on! Stay! There.**

**That easy?**

**Animator puts his golden balls down his pants. **

**Hey, they're on. I thought you had to stitch them on...**

**DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT?! **

**Well, no...**

**Hey, brother! I got the bandages!**

**Sima Zhao steps on a golden ball, crushing it.**

**What's that? It's all gooey...**

**GAAAAAAAAH!**

**Sima Yi rolls in pain and twitches when he stopped.**

**Oh...no...****Did he step on...?**

**Yep, he has one ball now. Tsk, tsk, he has every guy's nightmare. **

**Oh, nice. Gold. **

**Sima Zhao picks up another golden ball. **

**ZHAO! Put that down! **

**Hmm? Why?**

**That's your dad's...**

**Oh, really? Here.**

**Ugh...no...How about you put it your father? **

**Sima Zhao goes over and puts the golden ball on Sima Yi's chest. He then goes over to Shi to give him the bandages.**

**...How are we going to put it on him?**

**I'm not touching that...**

**Wait, we can ask his DW versions. **

**Can we just get Zhang Chunhua? **

**No, she'll make this worse. And I doubt she's doing it in front of us.**

**Female Sima Yi?**

**Why are you suggesting females? **

**Because it's more tolerable to watch. Look at him, he's in pain.**

**Sima Yi's face was frozen in pain and fear. **

**...I feel...really numb...It feels empty down...there...**

**Yeah, we might need to put it on quick.**

**We can get a ball from one of his DW versions.**

**DW7 Yi, they seem the right size. **

**Ok, DW7 Yi, and we'll going to punch him in the kintama. **

**Animator takes out a Pokeball and releases DW7 Yi.**

Oh, it's me. Why is he in a state of fear and pain?

**His ball got crushed by Zhao.**

*snickers*...What...? *laughs*

**It won't be funny when you have one ball. **

**Director kicks DW7 Sima Yi in his kintama.**

AAAAAHHHH!

**He falls to the ground, and two golden balls came out of his pant leg.**

**Well, there they are. **

**You're picking them up.**

**Why?!**

**You'd go both ways for Sima Yi, right?**

**Not to pick up his balls! And that was if he and I were drunk or if I want to experiment!**

**That'll happen...sure...Just pick them up.**

**Ugh...You owe me big time...**

**Director picks up one of the balls on the ground and the one on Sima Yi's chest.**

**Now what? Hurry up! **

**In his pants. Where they belong.**

**Ugh...Can't he do it himself? **

**He's in a state of shock now. **

**Censor this. Please!**

**Alright. **

**CENSORED **

**CENSORED**

**OH, GOD! WHY AM I DOING THIS?!**

**CENSORED **

**CENSORED**

**Director goes to puke elsewhere.**

**...Ugh...BLARGH...But I can see why he had ten children...ghhh...**

**You wear sunglasses, shouldn't it block some of your view?**

**Why are you so calm about this?**

**I have to stare at him and Zhuge Liang for a living. I have to animate every single inch of them. Certainly fangirls would LOVE my job, but it's really tiring. You should see Zhang Chunhua's animator, he was nosebleeding the ENTIRE time he was animating her. And Wang Yuanji's animator is female, so she is kinda offended when she sees the animator act pervy.**

**What about Lian Shi's?**

**Her's is a female. Of course, she feels offended when she had do her sometimes. Because of her...? **

**Boobs.**

**Well, yeah. But you did not have to yell that out. We have few females to animate for us, so that's why Zhang Chunhua doesn't have a female animator.**

**What about Dead or Alive?**

**Yeah...I met one of the animators for Xtreme Beach Volleyball...He was...interesting...I rather not get into it... Now, Sima Yi's kintama are back on. What about him?**

**He has one ball.**

**Okay, are we going to-**

**No, just crush the remaining ball.**

**That's just cruel. **

**This is past Sima Yi, we took care of present Sima Yi. **

**Wait, if we crush past Yi's kintama, won't that affect present Sima Yi? **

**Fine, I'll just put the one ball onto DW7 Yi. Censor this.**

**CENSORED **

**CENSORED**

**CENSORED**

**CENSORED**

***sigh* It's done.**

**Director throws the Pokeball at the lying DW7 Sima Yi.**

***eye twitch*...I can't believe...ugh...**

**Look on the bright side, you just did what thousands of fangirls want to do to Sima Yi.**

**Ugh...do they know he looks a little different historically than he looks now? **

**Three Kingdoms 2010 seems to almost accurately depict Sima Yi. **

**He looks old even when he's supposed to be twenty something! And paintings don't help! They just look like scribbles. **

**Sima Yi slowly gets up behind them.**

**...Ugh...**

**Oh, you're up. Feeling better?**

**I just hate Zhuge Liang more...**

**That was not even him. **

**WHOA! What happened here?! **

**They all turned to see Cao Cao. **

**Did you guys see that giant-ass thing blowing crap up? **

**You don't seem upset...**

**Because that was awesome! Sure, maybe Cao Pi got ran over...But this is certainly more interesting than watching nothing while sitting on a throne! **

**Cao Pi got ran over? Is he okay? (Do I want him to be okay?) **

**Eh, he's seen worse. Sima Yi? Why are you standing like that? You look like you've been kicked in the jewels.**

**...I...I'm just...hurt in a certain area...**

**Oh! You did get hit in the balls! I wish I were there to see that or be the one to do it! **

**I got it on tape.**

**Oh, let me see! **

**When did you...? **

**I took my phone out when I saw SR Zhuge Liang running by us. **

**You did not stop him?**

**Nope. It's a video too.**

**Cao Cao and Director watch the video of Sima Yi getting hit in his you-know-what.**

**Play it again! **

**Oh, this won't get old. His scream sounds so funny and slightly girly. *laughs***

**I want to show this to my men. **

**NO YOU ARE NOT! Ow!**

**Come on, Yi, this is darn hilarious. I wonder if I can post this on YouTube. **

**Stop calling me Yi! **

**Director keeps on repeating the video.**

***BAM* GAAAAH! *BAM* GAAAAH! *BAM* GAAAAH!**

***laughs* I want to set this to dubstep...*laughs* **

**I hate you...**

**The feeling's mutual. **

**I should go, I have to take Cao Pi to Hua Tuo.**

**Cao Cao runs off.**

**Sima Yi, you need to head over to Hua Tuo as well. **

**No...**

**Oh, yeah, he might chop your kintama off. (Again.)**

**I'll go back to bed...**

**Oh, what happened to Zhang Chunhua? I mean, you were at the bottom...then she was middle and then female you was top. That's just sad...**

**Sad indeed...Your wife and female you still top you even though you are capable in picking them up. Surprisingly, they are able to hold you down, despite being lighter than you.**

**What do you want me to do? Hit them?**

**I'm not saying to hit them. But if it floats your boat...**

**I'm some monster! **

**(You've executed people...But compared to Dong Zhou and Sun Hao...You are like a tiny dog compared to them elephants in evil historically.)**

**Or...you can force your way up top.**

***blushing* Well, I can't really do that...(I tried doing that a LOONG time ago...But that woman seriously does not want me on top of her!)**

**Cut the tsundere act! That's mostly for young women! It's cute when Yuanji does it, but for you, it's creepy! **

***blushing more* I don't know why I keep on blushing! You people keep on putting this act on me! And how is it creepy?**

**Yeah...a grown married man with children acting like a shy high schooler confessing to his childhood crush is TOTALLY NOT creepy at all...But I suppose you look like you've just graduated from college, so they let that pass...**

**Sima Yi's tsundere personality is basically in every romance manga and anime. And those Asian dramas. But he's waaay past that "having a crush" stage. **

**Are you suggesting something?**

**Yes, get a sex change. You're better off a woman. **

**Sima Yi steps on Director's foot.**

**AHH! Why'd you do that? **

**You know what you said.**

**Gee, touchy much?**

**We should go...**

**Let me ask you: What would happen if Zhang Chunhua were a guy instead? **

**That would be...weird...But clearly she/he is going to pummel Sima Yi still. Why did you ask?**

**Just because. Wouldn't she look like Zhao also? **

**Huh, so basically Sima Yi is married to female Sima Zhao? **

**What weird ideas are you two getting?! **

**Well, if you put it this way: Zhao clearly got his genetics from his mother. And they look very similar. Zhao is basically what Chunhua would look like if she were male. **

**That's the first time I actually heard you say something that makes total sense. Someone paid attention in science class.**

**Now we have explained this. And I want to try it. **

**Director takes out his phone. **

**What are you doing now? **

**Just doing an experiment.**

***BLOOP***

**A light appears in front of them and out walks a tall and fit man in purple lacey robes. **

**What did you do? **

**Experiment. **

**Wait, that guy looks familiar...**

**Animator pauses, then his eyes widen.**

**YOU ACTUALLY MADE ZHANG CHUNHUA INTO A MAN?**

**Yeah, why not? We needed to extend this chapter anyway. **

**Sima Yi was staring at the male Zhang Chunhua.**

**...Uh...This is...?**

**Yep, turns out she/he would be more muscular than you. That's even sadder...And she/he makes purple look better than you.**

**Whoa...she/he looks like Zhao...A lot...**

**How about releasing female Sima Yi and see what happens?**

**Director throws a Pokeball, and female Sima Yi appears.**

What is it now? Oh, who's this? He looks like that woman I had fun with.

**Your husband, or wife...? Husband wife? **

**Sima Zhao and Sima Shi walk up to Director.**

***whispers* Who's he? And she? **

** Your parents.**

**But isn't Father over there? Who's the woman?**

**Your dad as a woman.**

**Sima Zhao falls down laughing.**

**HAHAHAHA! Really? HAHA! **

**..You're simply joking...Aren't you?...**

**Nope, and that guy is your mom as a guy.**

**...I...He...looks like Zhao...**

**Where do you think Sima Zhao gets his face from?**

**But...Mother...as a man...? That is slightly logical based on our current situation in the family...**

**Now all we need is Zhang Chunhua walking out here. And where is she? Still "napping"? Is she really that tired? **

**It has been rather too long...I shall go and see if she needs something.**

**Sima Yi walks away, slightly limping.**

**Well, let's see what this will take us.**

**They seem to be rather...friendly...Too friendly...I should get the censor card ready.**

**What's happening? **

**Sima Zhao gets up.**

**I bet one thing: They will have sex.**

**Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious. But I suggest you two cover your eyes or leave.**

**Will do.**

**Sima Shi walks away quickly.**

**Zhao? Are you coming? **

**I'm just looking...It's just so weird...Mother really looks like me when she's a guy. It's scary...**

**Hurry unless you want your eyes to bleed. **

**Sima Zhao runs after Sima Shi.**

**So, what's going on? I want a better look. **

**Director goes slightly closer and closer to the conversation.**

So, you are my husband? You are a nice piece of beefcake.

Hmm...Nice ass. Want to have sex?

Not a bad idea. Where do you want to go?

Here.

**CENSORED**

***tearing noises, moaning***

**CENSORED**

**CENSORED**

**CENSORED**

**Director and Animator had blood flowing from their noses like a waterfall. **

**Whoa...this is hot and weird at the same time...**

**...I'm...really confused...**

**Man, gender-swapping makes the characters slutty and horny as hell. But I'm not complaining...**

**We really need to change the rating if there are that many sexual references here...**

**Screw that...We placed enough censoring...**

**Sima Yi comes back with Zhang Chunhua walking beside him. They stop and see the obscene actions being done in front of them.**

**I left for a little bit...And they are already on each other faster than fire on dried grass.**

***unamused expression*...I'm going back...**

**I just got you up! I didn't know those two were going to hump each other faster than two cats in heat! **

**(Nice analogies..)Oh, heey. I see your wife's up. She looks...untidy...I can tell she didn't bother fixing her hair and just put on sleeping robes when she went out.**

**Director braces himself.**

**Hmm? I swear she's going to throw something at me.**

**Of course I'm not going to hit you. Why do you think that? **

**Nothing...So, how's the sex? **

**He gets a rock to the face. **

**I prefer not to reveal any details on my experience. **

**See? You were gonna hit me! **

**That's because you simply threw a very private question at her so quickly. **

**...Who are the people doing very obscene things on our property...?**

**It's a loooong story...**

**No, I'm sure you can explain it pretty fast. **

**Umm...Sima Yi, how about you explain it?**

**I have no idea what is going on other than the fact two people are having intercourse in broad daylight! **

***sigh* How can I explain it? That guy is you. That woman, I'm sure you remember, is a female Sima Yi.**

**Zhang Chunhua just stared at Animator in an unamused expression.**

***blinks*...I'm pretty sure that's Zhao...And that woman I remember. **

**Oh, no, that's you. Look at the him. He has your hair, just kinda more spikey and messy. **

**No, that can't be me...**

**Oh, yeah? Let me get that guy.**

**Animator goes over to the male Zhang Chunhua. **

**Hey, Ms. F***s-a-lot, get dressed. Your play time's over.**

Aww...You jealous? I can make room for you.

**Ugh...no...(I'm never doing Sima Yi. Even if he were a female. He's just...no...Just no.)**

Give us a minute.

**No, I'm pretty sure you don't have a minute. Both of you get dressed. You are embarrassing the people you are based on. **

*sigh* Fine.

I see that woman and her husband. Back for round two?

**I don't think so. **

**The gender-swapped people get dressed. Animator walks the male Zhang Chunhua over to Zhang Chunhua herself.**

**Here. Look at him.**

**He's looks like Zhao. **

**And where does he get it? You. He's even wearing a robe form of your dress.**

Yo, nice legs. What time do they open? OOF!

**He gets a fist to his abdomen by Zhang Chunhua.**

**I'm sure this is just Zhao going through a phase...I don't even talk like that. **

**That's because his personality has been warped. (I don't know what happened during the processing. I should ask him...)**

**Animator turns to Director.**

**Hey! Why are they very different from the original?**

**Oh, I don't know. Maybe a glitch. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to tap that ass. **

**It's Sima Yi...**

**I'd do him if he were a female.**

**He walks towards female Sima Yi.**

**Ok...**

**I still don't think this is me.**

**Ask him something only you would know.**

This lady is married to that guy.

**Everyone knows that. Something else.**

Umm...She had a pet dog that died when she was thirteen.

**That's...rather random...but too common.**

**I didn't even have a dog when I was younger. **

**He's not that bright either...**

Hey, I'm trying my best here! Ok, hmm...ah! Her husband has a fetish. He has a thing with being hit.

***blushing*Now how can you think that about me?**

**Your weapon is a whip. **

**It's not a whip! It's a fly swatter.**

**That's a whisk. Yours is a whip. Either way, you look like a masochist.**

**I don't take pleasure from being abused!**

**People who deny are what they are denying.**

**You can't prove it. **

**Your wife can verify.**

**Oh, what makes you think she knows?**

**Your wife's a sadist. Yes, I just went there. **

**What makes you think I like to hurt people?**

**You have those (bondage) wired claws, capable of tying people up or cutting them, we see you hitting your husband, and not to mention that maid that died. These are the makings of a psychopath, and psychopaths have been known to be sadists. And Sima Yi displays antisocial feelings and laughs when someone is in pain or being killed. He is also a possible psychopath. Now the possible chance of your children being psychopaths is really high.**

**...**

**...**

**Hey, don't turn this into Dr. Phil! And also, Sima Gan! (He was crazy, nuff said.)**

**(Huh, that's right.)You're hitting on female Sima Yi, so shut up. **

**No, I give up. She's really making it hard for me. I got her back in the Pokeball too. So, Sima Yi likes to be hit?**

**Director punches Sima Yi.**

**Ow! Not by you! **

**So, you're saying you like to be hit by females?**

**I..I...No!**

**Not that surprising...**

Uh...do I still have to say anymore?

**Yes, knowing a person's fetish does not prove anything. You need to dig deeper.**

Ok, um...the guy hates his dad.

**How come you know more about Sima Yi than the woman you're based off of?**

She once accidentally called her husband "brother."

**What..?**

I'm not lying. I have her memories. During the first few years of her marriage, she has accidentally called this guy "brother" or "father."

***blushing* That was really a weird phase...I felt older when she would call me that...**

***blushing* I was trying to get used to him. But since I was a young girl, I tend to think of older men being my siblings. I might have thought of him being my brother or my father more than my husband. **

**Isn't that kinda incestuous? **

**No, they don't even share the same blood! But it is awkward to call your husband "father." Especially if your husband is old enough to be your father or brother. But now can you see this guy is you?**

**Yes...*sigh* Unfortunately...**

Hey! I could reveal more embarrassing things about your early life!

**Ooh, tell me! **

**Director gets a rock to the face.**

**Ow...Fine, tell me about Sima Yi. Since you have Chunhua's memories. **

That guy had more of a father-daughter relationship with this lady. Well, until she hit nineteen. That's when the relationship became more husband and wife.

**Oh, that's interesting.**

That guy had to change the diapers of his younger brothers.

**Well, that's obvious. Anyone with that many younger siblings will have to do that. And why do you have that?**

She had kicked this guy in the you-know-what when she was younger.

**Oh-ho-ho! That's awesome! He still got his ass kicked when his wife was still a little girl!**

***sweat drop* He scared me. He just opened the door, and yelled out. I assumed he was an intruder.**

**I'm surprised he is still able to reproduce. After all the times we abused him. **

**Why does he get the abuse though?**

**Because he's hilarious when you give him a kick to the crotch. When he acts out-of-character, it's also funny. But his future children will suffer from the constant hernia. GAH!**

**Sima Yi gives him a kick to the kintama. He falls to the ground.**

**AAAHHH! **

**Funny now?**

Ooh...That looks painful...

**Two golden objects fall out of Director's pant leg.**

**Oh...your kintama's showing...**

Oh my god! His balls fell off!

**Hurry! Put them back on! **

**Director gets up and picks up his kintama.**

**...What in the world are those things...?**

**You just made my testicles fall off! **

**...They can fall off...? That's...utter nonsense...**

**Whatever.**

**Director puts his kintama back where they belong.**

**Ow, ow, ow...You really kick hard...**

**Men...**

**Zhang Chunhua walks away from the group. Her male version follows her.**

**No.**

Well, at least it's worth a try.

**He walks back. **

**...(I'm starting to think being a woman was best for me...Clearly if I were male, I would have been _that.)_**

**Ow, ow, ow...**

**Stop whining.**

**You got hit once, while I have been hit twice.**

**Sima Yi got about three. He wins. Or loses...**

**Are you two finished with your silly games?**

**What are you going to do? We don't even see you do paperwork. **

**Hmm...it's hard to pass time here...**

**Want a DS? Or a Vita? **

**What? No, I don't want your devices.**

**Well, I give up. **

**Director takes out his phone, and presses a few buttons. The male Zhang Chunhua disappears.**

***sigh* What can we do now? We have lots of space left. **

**Well, the whole place is still trashed...**

**Oh, yeah.**

***BLOOP***

**Everything is fixed. **

**Well, we have the clones here...Ah, making Yi go insane.**

**What?**

**Director releases DW1, DW2, DW3, DW4, DW5, DW6, and DW7 Zhuge Liang.**

**...What? Why are there multiple Zhuge Liangs? **

**Feeling the insanity yet?**

**No...makes me want to punch them though...**

**Oh, I have another idea! **

**Director releases DW2, DW4, DW6, and DW7 Sima Yi.**

**Oh, yeah...DW3 and DW5 died. Now fight!**

**DW1 Zhuge Liang punches Sima Yi.**

**OW! Why are you all blocky?**

***BAM***

**OW! Is he mentally ill?**

**Yes. He can't understand language for some reason.**

***BAM***

**Go punch another me!**

***BAM* **

**Grr...**

**The screen turns into a 2D fighter platform. **

**What the-?**

***BAM* *BAM* *BAM***

**Sima Yi's health bar depletes every punch.**

**Why do I have a health bar?!**

***BAM* *BAM***

**GAH!**

**Sima Yi's health hits zero and he falls unconscious. DW1 Liang poses in victory.**

**Heh, that's funny.**

**It's utter chaos now...**

**The whole area had those cartoonish clouds with versions of Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang beating each other.**

**Can I leave it like this? **

**No, we are going to have to bring them back.**

***sigh*Fine...**

***30 minutes later***

**Everyone in the area was knocked out and lying there.**

**Wow...**

**Look over there.**

**DW6 Sima Yi and DW6 Zhuge Liang were on a 2D platform. Both are covered in blood and Zhuge Liang is acting dizzy.**

**Why do are they bloody?**

**Oh, oh! I know what's going to happen! **

**FINISH HIM! **

**DW6 Sima Yi goes up to Zhuge Liang, sticks his hand through his stomach, and rips it out.**

**Whoa! Are you going to censor?**

**Nope. I love Mortal Kombat. **

**DW6 Sima Yi throws the organ away, and then wraps DW6 Zhuge Liang completely in wires. He spins it around, then pulls the wires off. DW6 Zhuge Liang turns into sliced up flesh and blood. **

**Now do we change this to M?**

**Nah...Too lazy...**

**Man, that would awesome if Dynasty Warriors had a gore and blood option. **

**But certain weapons will be weird to make people bleed. Like a fan?**

**Yeah, but Lu Bu will be so badass when all that blood splatters all over him. Just, WOW! I'd play as him every time!**

**Hmm...We should get these guys back. **

**They both throw the Pokeballs at the lying versions.**

**Well, Sima Yi's still unconscious.**

**I want to draw on him.**

**Director takes out a marker, and draws a moustache on Sima Yi. **

**Now we can go. **

**They walk away from the area. **

***10 minutes later***

**Sima Yi wakes up. **

**Ugh...Why is there blood there? Eww...someone has been sliced up to the point of no recognition. **

**He walks to a pond. He sees his face has the marker moustache.**

** ...Grr...Him...**

**Koei animating room**

**Well, that was something. **

**No, wait! I forgot to pit FNS Zhuge Liang against Lu Bu! **

**Can you just program him to do it against Lu Bu? **

**It won't be as interesting...**

**Director turns the computer on.**

**Hmm? Lu Bu is unavailable at this time. **

**He got blown up by Apocafists, remember?**

**Oh, yeah, that's right. Aww...we can't do it now. It takes a while for these guys to respawn.**

**Well, now what do we do?**

**I'm trying to come up with a way to end this. With an omake?**

**We're not anime. **

**Grr...so frustrating...**

**Can we just end it here?**

**Then people would be disappointed. Uh...here's Cao Pi falling down stairs.**

**How did you even..? **

**The scene changes with Cao Pi getting pushed down the palace's stairs by the director. Then it switches back.**

**Do you have a thing against Cao Pi?**

**Yes, he's too...Cao Pi...**

**That's doesn't make any sense! **

**I guess that's not enough. Here's Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and Lu Meng doing Gangnam Style. **

**How did you get these?**

**Having Koei's files helps. **

**The scene changes again with Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and Lu Meng doing the dance. Then switches back.**

**Nah, Ma Chao and Ma Dai seem to make more sense. **

**It switches to Ma Chao and Ma Dai dancing to Gangnam Style. **

**Okay! You can stop making silly videos with the DW characters! **

**You're right. I should show Cao Cao doing "Wrecking Ball." No, Zhou Yu! No, Liu Bei! Aww, so many! I'll start with Zhen Ji.**

**No, stop! Don't you dare roll that clip! **

**It still switches to Zhen Ji on a wrecking ball and hits a wall. **

**I caaame in like wrrreeeeckiiing baaaalll!**

**You're putting random nonsense!**

**This maybe a little old, but I'm putting it. Cao Cao as...THE BOSS. Wait, that's been overdone. How about someone else? Sima Yi or Cao Pi. Cao Pi, even though I despise him. Roll it!**

**The screen changes, having Sima Yi and Cao Pi walk in and sitting at a table.**

**Master Cao Pi, thanks for coming to this interview. **

**No problem.**

**So, you're in charge around here? That fair to say?**

**Absolutely, I'm the Boss.**

**Okay, then take us through the day of the Boss. **

**Well, the first thing I do is:**

**TALK TO THE EMPEROR**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**APPROVE SCROLLS**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**LEAD AN ARMY**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**REMEMBER BIRTHDAYS**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**DIRECT WORK FLOW**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**MY OWN BATHROOM**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**MICROMANAGE**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**PROMOTE POETRY**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**HIT ON ZHEN JI**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**GET REJECTED**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**SWALLOW SADNESS**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**SEND SOME PAPERS**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**CALL THE SEX LINE**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**CRY DEEPLY**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**DEMAND A REFUND**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**EAT A MEATBUN**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**HARASSMENT LAWSUIT**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**NO PROMOTION**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**HIT THE WINE**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**SHIT ON ZHEN JI'S DESK**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**BUY GUO HUAI'S CANNON**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**IN MY MOUTH **

**LIKE A BOSS**

**OH FUCK IT I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT SHIIIT**

**PUSSY OUT**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**PUKE ON ZHEN JI'S DESK**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**JUMP OUT THE WINDOW**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**SUCK A DUDE'S DICK**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**SCORE SOME OPIUM**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**CRASH MY HORSE**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**SUCK MY OWN DICK**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**EAT SOME CHICKEN STRIPS**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**CHOP MY BALLS OFF**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**BLACKOUT IN THE SEWER**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**MEET A GIANT FISH (It's Zhou Yu in a fish costume.)**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**TURN INTO A JET**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**BOMB SHU AND WU**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**CRASH INTO THE SUN**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**NOW I'M DEAD**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**Uh-huh, so that's an average day for you then?**

**No doubt.**

**You chop your balls off and die?**

**Heeell yeah.**

**And I think at one point there, you said about sucking your own dick?**

**Nope.**

**Actually, I'm pretty sure you did. **

**Nah, that ain't me.**

**Okay...This has been eye-opening for me. **

**I'm the boss.**

**Yeah, I know. I got that. You said that about 400 times. **

**I'm the boss.**

**Yeah, yeah, I got it.**

**I'm the boss.**

**Great, great, I heard ya, bye.**

**Sima Yi walks out of the room. Zhou Yu appears in front of the screen in his fish costume.**

**LIKE A BOSS**

**...What...? You just took a lot of space for this!**

**Yeah, and I like it. Okay, maybe one more. Harlem Shake with all the kingdoms! **

**NO! We're ending this! **

**Oh, it'll be funny! **

**Still no.**

**Come on! Just one more! **

**Not Harlem Shake.**

**Aww! Fine, we'll end this with an anime opening. BLEACH ending 23 Stay Beautiful. DW characters in modern clothing, we will go out with a bang!**

**We have multiple lawsuits on our hands. And that will be hard to write out.**

**Screw them! We just need to have to edit a lot. Roll it!**

**The sun shines, the camera pans down to show streets, and has Zhang Bao looking up. **

**Xing Cai is in summer clothing walking down a street with a jacket over her shoulder. Jiang Wei, Sun Quan, Ma Dai, and Zhong Hui are the people in the background. **

**Shot of Guan Yinping next to a microphone.**

**Huang Zhong in a tuxedo, sitting in a chair with Zhen Ji, Wang Yi, and Yue Ying behind him. Ding Feng, Wei Yan, Taishi Ci, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Dian Wei, Xu Huang, and Zhang He are in suits around him. **

**Then the screen changes to Han Dang yelling at Guan Suo, Yue Jin acting busy, Guan Ping on the phone and Wen Yang standing next to Sun Jian sweat dropping. Zhang Jiao is seen flying outside.**

**Cao Cao in sunglasses and fedora, Cao Pi holding headphones and giving the screen a smirk, and Sima Yi holding a notepad, removing his glasses. Zhang Liao is standing next to them. **

**Shot of Lian Shi next to microphone. **

**Sima Zhao at a table giving a unamused look to the screen, playing cards with Wang Yuanji pointing at him with a "you cheater!" look. **

**Sima Shi yelling and running after Xiao Qiao, Da Qiao, and Bao Sanniang taking miscellaneous food and meatbuns.**

**Gan Ning standing around in an alley with Ling Tong, Xu Chu, Lu Meng, Sun Ce, and Lu Xun.**

**Sun Shang Xiang arguing with Zhu Rong, with Cai Wenji sitting next to them, ignoring them. Zhang Chunhua is the bartender that looks at the screen. **

**Zhuge Dan in the rain, in a trenchcoat.**

**Shot of Diao Chan singing to the microphone.**

**Lu Bu punching Dong Zhou in a boxing ring.**

**Zhao Yun, Jia Xiu, and Li Dian on skateboards.**

**Meng Huo is holding dishes while Pang De, Xiahou Dun, and Ma Chao are eating barbarically. Yuan Shao just stares at his wine glass.**

**Guo Huai faints as he comes out of a limo, and he has Xiahou Yuan and Xiahou Ba catching him. Guo Jia walks down the red carpet with Wang Yi and Cai Wenji on either of his sides.**

**Zhang Chunhua is on a chair, holding a cup and saucer. With Zhuge Liang being the butler, and Wang Yuanji and Zhou Yu in maid outfits. Zhou Yu is not pleased.**

**Zhou Tai, Huang Gai, Lu Su, Deng Ai, Jia Chong, and Pang Tong are all standing around Guan Xing to wait for him to finish his move in billards. **

**It shows Zhang Bao, Xing Cai, Guan Yinping, Guan Xing, Lu Bu, and Zhao Yun in a group.**

**The next shot is Guan Yinping, Lian Shi, and Diao Chan dancing and singing while standing in front of spotlights.**

**Shots of Xing Cai, Guan Yinping, Guan Xing, Lu Bu and Zhao Yun. Then Zhang Bao does a smile, ending the ending.**

**What do you think?**

**Some people did not make it.**

**I had to reuse Zhang Chunhua, Wang Yi, Cai Wenji, and Wang Yuanji because I ran out of women to work with. And Xu Shu, Liu Shan, Cao Ren, and Liu Bei did not make it.**

**So, we're done?**

**Yes. **

**He turns to the screen.**

**Bye! *waves***

**We apologize for any people that we couldn't include in the opening. **

***whispers* Hey, shut it. I've already said bye.**


End file.
